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How I Know Lance Used PEDs

I have first hand evidence that Lance Armstrong used performance-enhancing drugs while on his way to seven straight Tour de France victories. Ok, so I don’t have the results of a test or anything, but trust me when I say he had to have done it. Had to.

You see a couple weeks ago in Sun Valley I experienced a bit of a bike accident. My wife and I were riding on a nice, smooth bike path when I attempted to pull a Lance and pass her on my way to victory (winning nothing in the process). Out of nowhere, my front wheel turned perpendicular and I went down hard. Landing on my hip and elbow, followed by my head, this accident showed me very clearly that Lance had to be doping.

I saw Floyd Landis interviewed where he threw Lance under the bus (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLtgu1WFJu8) and with Landis also doping, it becomes obvious that anyone passing anyone else on a bike must be on drugs. When I tried it, disaster occurred. I went down so quickly that I really can’t recall how it happened. I don’t think passing is meant for non-drugged humans. But the real drama began after I fell. An off-duty fireman passed by and asked how I was. My response, “I’m good. Just feel like I am going to throw up”.

Side note: The year before in Sun Valley I destroyed my leg (giant scrape) on a sprinkler head playing wiffleball. I was tracking the final out that my brother-in-law hit, only to fall to the ground in pain and a loss on the scoreboard. Also to note, I threw up after.

The off-duty fireman came back again and insisted on calling in the EMTs. The sheriff showed up on a motorcycle and told me to stop moving my head. Three EMTs began giving me oxygen and asking my name and the date. People stopped in the street. The mayor came by only to keep on going as I wasn’t Ashton Kutcher. (We saw Ashton and Demi Moore at bike races the day before). Hey mayor, Two and Half Men sucks! And you suck!

After having to convince the EMTs that I am not dying and my father-in-law filming the whole ordeal, I finally went home. The lesson I learned? I am not Lance Armstrong. But if I had been on some PEDs, I would have dominated my wife and passed the hell out of her.

Street Cred and Golden Tate Loves my Dad

“I wasn’t too impressed with Tarvaris”. “They didn’t throw down field much”. “I have a Seahawks tattoo”. “This burger is pretty average tasting”. On the shores of Lake Washington, basking in the sun, my father and I decided to venture to the VMAC yesterday for a good look at the Hawks. In the process, I tasted a $7.00 average cheeseburger and made some early assessments on this year’s team. Unlike the four or five people not impressed with Tarvaris Jackson, I came away more confident than I was before the day’s trip. And no, I didn’t get a Seahawks tattoo. (Apparently my sister could have one as she is adding tattoos faster than Amy Whinehouse – too soon?)

The Hawks started practice by having the entire team come over to the grassy hill area where the fans watch and say thanks for coming and give out some high fives. This is where my dad was slapped on the back by Top Pot lover Golden Tate. He was walking around and thanking people for attending while the rest of the team stayed behind the barrier people know as a “fence”. Soon enough the Seahawks got busy – and by busy I mean standing around. They were waiting for the CBA to get ratified back east, thus the players had to wait while on the field. Once the word got to Pete Carroll, the team got to work. When they got to work, I looked at some specific areas to assess.

1. Defensive backs

In large part because their drills were on the field right in front of us, my dad and I watched the DBs go through some 1-on-1 reactionary, back peddling drills, as well as live situations versus receivers. Earl Thomas is still fun to watch and Kam Chancellor looked good to me. The big surprise was Brandon Browner. As Eric Williams of the News Tribune detailed today (http://blog.thenewstribune.com/seahawks/2011/08/04/a-few-minutes-with-brandon-browner/), Browner is 6-4 and was an All-Pro in the CFL while battling to get back in the league. More surprising to me was that Browner was running with the first string defense while Walter Thurmond sat out and Kelly Jennings went through his first practice. Additionally, the defense was running a lot of nickel package with rookie Mark LeGree playing deep alongside Chancellor while Thomas played the nickel back.

2. Quarterbacks

The position of the most conversation is also the position where the Seahawks may be the weakest overall. With that said, Tarvaris Jackson looked much better than the other two quarterbacks. While he threw an interception in a two-minute drill as was off on some other throws, Jackson commanded the team much better than Whitehurst. He was so loud on his cadence that he not only drew the defense offside multiple times, we could hear him from the hill over 150 yards away. Whitehurst had a couple good throws, but continually looked like check down Charlie again this season. He appeared nervous, jumpy and too willing to throw two yard passes. I was impressed by Jackson’s deep ball in drills and how hard he throws it.

3. Receivers

Everyone wants to see the new guys in WR Sidney Rice and TE Zach Miller. While I only say Miller in a couple drills, he does look huge. They ran a lot of two TE sets with John Carlson and Zach Miller. My guess is that Dominique Byrd and Anthony McCoy shouldn’t feel too comfortable. Rice caught a great ball over the middle, showing his length and athleticism. He paired with WR Mike Williams on the first string offense. Kris Durham and Golden Tate mostly took reps with the number two offense as the Hawks didn’t run any three or four WR sets that I could see. Apparently Ben Obamanu wasn’t there so I wouldassume that puts pressure on Tate, not to mention Deon Butler when he gets back from injury.

4. The DJ

I had heard a lot about the DJ who plays at practice. No other NFL team has one. Apparently the Seahawks don’t either now. About an hour into practice, the speakers blew out and the DJ went home. Before he left, the DJ wowed Mike Williams with a Ludacris song and I tried to look cool bobbing my head to 6 foot 7 by Lil Wayne. I thought maybe I could gain some street cred. None gained yesterday. Try again today.

5. The crowd

I was impressed by the fan base at the practice. Most of the fans around me were very knowledgeable about the team down to the potential dime backs and back up WRs. Additionally, there were some good arguments over Jackson’s ability and whether the Hawks should sign Randy Moss. I then recalled that it was a Thursday at 1:45 p.m. The only people there had plenty of time to know all this stuff considering they don’t have jobs.

Dear Sporting KC....remember when.....Love Sounders FC

The Seattle Sounders FC will have their hands full this weekend at Livestrong Park in Kansas City as they face the team with the third best record in the East in Sporting KC. While many eliminate eastern teams as lesser quality than the western squads, this Kansas City team is rolling right now in MLS play. They have not lost in thirteen straight matches in Major League Soccer action including a win over Real Salt Lake by a score of 2-0 last week. While the Sounders pulled off an almost equal streak recently, the boys suffered a 3-1 defeat at Houston last Saturday after an embarrassing 7-0 loss to Manchester United (which resulted in 30 minutes of my father-in-law absolutely slamming the Sounders and then Man U) and a 1-0 loss to San Francisco of Panama (stop stealing our cities!) in Champions League play. Note: My guess is Panama had San Francisco first. Another reason to hate the 49ers.

Without having seen Kansas City play since their last MLS defeat in Seattle (1-0 Sounders win on May 21^st), it is hard for me to comment on what is making them so successful. It appears that 21 year old Canadian forward Teal Bunbury (fantastic name) is heating up quickly with goals in his past two contests. With five on the year, the back four of the Sounders will need to be solid to gain points on the road.

The back four of the Sounders has been the problem in the past few matches as the Sounders surrendered eight goals in the past three MLS matches. The injury to Jhon Kennedy Hurtado proved to be crucial in this poor spell as he exited in the 56 minute of the Timbers game and the Sounders have tried different middle backs ever since. Patrick Ianni got a shot as did Zach Scott last night in the Champions League victory. Who knows who will show up there on Saturday as well as Scott possibly playing on the outside in a battle with Leo Gonzalez and Tyson Wahl. The lack of consistency among this back four has hurt the Sounders in recent matches.

Much of the Sounders offensive success comes from the beautiful, long haired flopper known as Mauro Rosales. His ability to control the ball, see the field, and create for others is as good as any player in the MLS. When he plays well, we seem to score and score a lot. While we sat and cried early in the year about the lack of offense (see: Nate Jaqua starting), the Sounders now sit second in MLS in scoring (35 goals while the Red Bulls have 38).

Side note: is there a better midfield crew in MLS with Rosales, Friberg, Alonso, and Fernandez (imagine Zakauni instead!)

If the Sounders can get on the board in the first 30 minutes, I think Sporting Kansas City may press a bit based upon their low scoring affairs in the past and we can pull out three incredible road points. If it ends up 0-0, I will punch myself in the face and then high five myself afterwards for having to sit through a scoreless tie and still gaining a point. Of course, the other option is to simply yank the hearts and souls out of Sporting KC as we did on May 21^st with a 93^rd minute Jeff Parke header or the year before with the Brad Evans pretend-I-am-not-45-yards-down-field-from-the-spot throw in to Mike Fucito for a game winner. It would be fun to watch them simply retire collectively as a team at the final whistle.

The Case for Watching Ackley and the M's

After suffering from a 17 game losing streak, it became easy for many fans to write off the Seattle Mariners this season. And while they will not be even sniffing the playoffs again for the tenth consecutive season (ouch), there are some things to watch for the last two months.

First at the top of that list is Dustin Ackley. The 2009 second overall pick in the Major League Baseball draft is showing why some are thanking the baseball gods that the Mariners ended up with him instead of the once sure thing in Stephen Strasburg. In 38 games played with the big club, Ackley is hitting .312 with five homeruns and 23 RBI. He has walked 15 times and struck out 20 in 138 at bats. His .377 on base percentage and .942 OPS lead the team. As widely reported by the Mariners writers, he is on pace to challenge and I would guess beat Alvin Davis’s team record for extra base hits in the first 50 games of a Mariner career. Ackley currently has 20 and the record is 26 with 12 games left.

Aside from these outstanding numbers, Ackley proved early on that he is the best Mariners hitter and not afraid to hit with men on base. Manager Eric Wedge decided only after a handful of games to move Ackley to Ken Griffey Junior’s old spot in the order as the #3 hitter. The Mariners searched for years afterwards to find a #3 hitter only to fail repeatedly. Other than Bret Boone’s incredible 2001 season (I wonder how that happened?) and Edgar Martinez at the end of his career in 2002 and 2003, the Mariners have not been able to rely on a pure hitter at the #3 spot. Trying players from Adrian Beltre to Franklin Gutierrez, none have shown the kind of pure hitting that teams covet at that spot. Now the Mariners have a player who will fill that spot for years to come.

So what makes Ackley so good? I don’t consider myself an expert on hitting (as evidenced by my one hit season as a fourth grader – yes I said season), but I study baseball a lot and listen.

What I notice the most is the amount of time Ackley’s bat stays in the hitting zone. While this sounds odd, he seems to stay on the ball a lot longer than most players. If you watch old clips of Edgar Martinez, you will notice that he seemingly has no holes in his swing and it stays level with his head down until the ball rockets off his bat. This is what Ackley looks like to me. I noticed the same thing in Robinson Cano when I watched the Yankee series. While there are other good hitters who don’t seem to keep their bat on the ball longer, they make up for it by being selective and having more power (think Alex Rodriguez or Prince Fielder). Lastly, I notice Ackley’s head and hands stay really still. Every time I read about hitting, good hitters talk about how important that is to hitting. For example, Justin Smoak has struggled for about a month and a half with much of the talk being about his head lifting before he hits the ball. Ackley doesn’t face that issue. He is on the ball until contact. While Ackley has been knocked for lack of power, I don’t see that as an issue. The ball jumps off his bat and he has hit home runs on the road and in Safeco (to straight away center no less). I see a .320-.330 hitter with 15-25 home runs and 80-100 RBI per season moving forward. I think every Mariner fan can look forward to this.

Time to Catch On

With the Mariners announcing the switch of touted minor league prospect Marcus Littlewood from infielder to catcher, the search for the holy grail continues. While the left field position gets more media attention (justifiably since they couldn’t find one in all of Griffey’s years of success), the Mariners continue to search for a catcher of their future and hopefully present.

Following years of mediocre hitting, pretty good defense, and a lot of cheap beer (the local bar FX McRory’s used to sell beer at Dave Valle’s average), Dave Valle provided consistency at the very least for much of the 1980s. The catching conundrum in Seattle reached a level of sedation with the Dan Wilson years. An incredible defensive catcher, Wilson put together a nice run of offensive success including an All-Star berth. With years of high averages (.278 in ’95, .270 in ’97) and some power (18 HR and 83 RBI in ’96, 15 HR and 74 RBI in ’97), Wilson cemented himself in Mariner lore for years to come. Unfortunately it turned out to be many, many years to come.

The Mariners attempted to fill the void left by Wilson, yet they keep failing miserably. Jason Varitek was deemed to be a semi-bust in 1997 when he was traded with Derek Lowe for Heathcliff Slocumb (yes, the worst trade in team history). Slocumb posted a five-plus ERA in 1997 and only lasted one more season in Seattle. Varitek? Lowe? They have been alright I guess.

The next catching hope came from high school stud Ryan Christianson from California (#11 overall pick in 1999). He posted a season at age 20 of 14 HR and 85 RBI, but a career minor league average of .244 left Christianson out of baseball at age 26. He never seemed to get very good defensively according to scouts and he ended up doing nothing for the big club. Meanwhile the team attempted to fill the void through trades with players like Miguel Olivo (first time around and .200 average with almost no power) and Ben Davis (.259 with 7 HR in 2002 – seems like a stud on this year’s team). While Davis soon became one of my favorite players (I even bought a Davis t-shirt, why?), he looked like Paul Bunyan but hit like Paula Abdul. (Hint: she can’t hit because she is a washed up 80s diva).

The M’s went back to the drawing board which means the draft. Rob Johnson was drafted in the 4^th round in 2004 and while he posted a .308 average in AAA in 2008 (and .271 in the minors overall), he hit nothing in the majors. Pitchers seemingly loved him, but more time was spent analyzing his hips (or injuries to them) then was worth anyone’s time. Just in case he didn’t work out, the Mariners went for USC stud Jeff Clement in 2005 with the third overall pick. (Don’t think about the fact that they passed up Troy Tulowitski to get him). While Clement did rake a bit in the minors (.335 with 14 HR in 2008, .274 with 21 HR and 90 RBI in 2009), he was atrocious defensively. He got moved to 1B after the famous Ian Snell trade (what? Poop!), and toils with injuries and the buses in the minors.

Keep searching! OK! Adam Moore was drafted in 2006 in the 6^th round and he is a career .303 minor league hitter with some defensive ability, but a season ending injury pretty much put a hold on his career. Since Moore and Johnson hit in the minors, but didn’t do much for anyone at the major league level, the Mariners decided to draft another fricking catcher in the first round (sandwich pick at least – I wonder if that makes people hungry when they draft) with Steve Baron (high school kid) in 2009 (33^rd overall). He sucks thus far. He is hitting .197 in A this year. Good call guys! I think they know this since they drafted – and already signed – John Hicks in the 4^th round this year out of Virginia. He is already playing in A Clinton and hitting .275 in 11 games.

This list is exhaustive, I know. What is the point? The Mariners want a catcher to play for 10 years at the major league level and they don’t know where the frick to find him. So they moved Marcus Littlewood (2^nd round in 2010) to catcher with the hope that he can learn the position enough to become a big time prospect. He was widely considered a top 10 prospect for the M’s (who rank in the middle of the pack in the league for farm systems), and his value goes up at the catcher spot. Yet he is 19 years old and playing in low A ball, so who knows? We need a catcher for the future and apparently for the present we will be stuck with Miguel Olivo. Not a bad option for now, but let’s hope that Moore, Hicks or Littlewood develops quickly. One of those three would be my best bet to become the starter of the future. And the Mariners hope so too or they will just keep drafting catchers that waste away year after year.

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Seattle sports fans seem to be infatuated with the hard-working, nice demeanor, less talented athlete. Some of the city's favorites include Willie Bloomquist, Roger Levesque, and Reggie Evans. We seem to flock to those who underachieve, yet have a great work ethic. Why? What good does this do for our teams?

Maybe it has to do with our laid-back, easy going mentality in the Pacific Northwest. Maybe it has to do with all the losing. Maybe we just don't like conflict, thus we like guys who play hard and say nice things. And maybe this is the reason why everyone is freaking out about losing Matt Hasselbeck to free agency (and ultimately the Tennessee Titans).

By all accounts, Matt Hasselbeck is one of the better human beings to play football. The media loves him. Dopplegangers love him (that would be me). Wives. Kids. Teammates. Coaches. Everyone loves Matt Hasselbeck. He says the right things and he is a good person. But that doesn't make him a good football player anymore.

(Side note: I rooted for Matt Hasselbeck when many fans booed him at Husky Stadium in the Trent Dilfer, early Mike Holmgren era. I have a Hasselbeck jersey. I am a fan of his, so this isn't me picking on a guy I don't like or root for).

The Titans signed Hass to a three year, $21 million contract to fill the gap for a couple years until Jake Locker is given the reigns. People in Seattle wanted Matt to stay as they see it as the only way to win this year. It isn't.

Hasselbeck was stellar in the playoffs last year, but he struggled during the regular season. He pasted a 73.2 quarterback rating, after putting up a 75.1 the year before and a 57.8 rating in 2008 in only seven games. That is three straight very subpar years. In the those three years, he didn't once throw more TDs than interceptions (a total of 34 TD and 44 INT). He doesn't pose a threat on the ground and with a young offensive line, the chances of him getting injured again are very high. In fact, he injured himself jogging last year without being touched. At age 35, why sign him again?

Most people say: "because he is the best option unless you trade for Kevin Kolb". Is that true? You have to give up a 1st and 3rd round pick for Kevin Kolb and he hasn't proven anything more that Tarvaris Jackson. Kolb posted a 76.1 quarterback rating with 7 TD and 7 INT (60.8 completion %) in half a season before Michael Vick decided to return to Madden-status (play with Mike Vick on old Madden games and then realize you are unstoppable a.l.a. Bo Jackson in Techmo Bowl). Meanwhile Tarvaris Jackson posted a 95.4 quarterback rating with 9 TD and 2 INT in limited duty (9 games, but same as Kolb basically) in 2008 (pre-Favre). Jackson is

a free agent, Kolb requires two draft picks and more money to sign long term.

Other options discussed were Donovan McNabb. Really? 77.1 quarterback rating with 14 TD and 15 INT plus limited mobility and 34 years old. Carson Palmer? Owner Mike Brown won't deal him right now. Kyle Orton? Trade also and he doesn't seem to win. 4-12 with Denver last year and 8-8 the year before. I like his numbers, but why not take a chance between Charlie Whitehurst and Tarvaris Jackson?

If it doesn't work out, you can draft the QB of the future among the great prospects next year in the draft that includes Andrew Luck (Stanford), Landry Jones (Oklahoma), Matt Barkley (USC), and a list of others. I am not here to tell you that the Seahawks will win more games this year or even be competitive with the QBs they have now. I just don't think it would have been any different if Matt Hasselbeck had stayed. And the reason most people think differently than me is that they LIKE Matt Hasselbeck. It isn't wrong to like him, but it is wrong to think he would have made a difference.