Hah! Trade Me!

Two of the most controversial and hated athletes in professional sports made news yesterday and both of them showed why we don't like them very much.

Alex Rodriguez continues to hit well and the Yankees continue to lose. Last night he chose to do something about the latter. After connecting on a single in the top of the ninth to give the Yankees a 7-5 lead, Rodriguez apparently distracted Blue Jays third baseman Howie Clark (who?) on an ensuing pop up by Jorge Posada.

By the way, this was Howie Clark's first game of the season. The guy is 33 years old and has 248 career at-bats.

Rodriguez yelled "hah" according to him, but "mine" according to Clark. The ball dropped as Clark backed off the ball. The Yankees went on to win 10-5.

On the one hand, why didn't Clark just catch the ball? I don't care if you hear someone yell "mine" or "hah" or "hey Clark, why are you here?". Unless a guy vehemently yells "mine, mine, mine", don't you just catch it?

On the other hand, A-Rod showed again why no one likes him. Remember when he knocked the ball out of Bronson Arroyo's glove in the playoffs? Clearly he is a dirty cheater. No really, apparently he is a dirty cheater as the New York Post reports he went to dinner, a strip club, and his hotel room with some random blonde chick who isn't his wife. Hah!

Meanwhile my least favorite Kobe (#1 Steak, #2 Chris Farley's brother in "Beverly Hills Ninja") decided he wanted to be traded while being interviewed on Steven A. Smith's radio show.

This is how I imagined the conversation.

Steven: "KOBE! KOBE! YOU ARE THE BOMB! NO ONE IS BETTER. WHY THE HELL DO YOU PLAY WITH PATHETIC GUYS IN LA?"

Kobe: "I don't really want to. I think they all suck. Especially when they shoot. Don't they know I get to shoot all the time? Even when I am on the bench."

Steven: "YES! KWAME BROWN SUCKS! THEY ALL SUCK! EITHER YOU OR ALLEN IVERSON SHOULD BE MVP EVERY YEAR."

Kobe: "Why are you yelling? But you are right. Except for the Iverson part."

Steven: "MY MAN! YES! THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS! SO YOU ARE ASKING TO BE TRADED?"

Kobe: "Yes."

Steven: "DID YOU HEAR THAT AMERICA?"

Everyone always hears you Steven, even when the TV is on mute. Kobe then told the local sports radio station and Dan Patrick that he wanted to remain a Laker. Then of course he told the L.A. Times that he still wanted to be traded.

Ok.

So Kobe may or may not want to be traded. The only thing we know for sure is that he wants to be the center of attention. Why else would someone go on three or four radio shows in one day and interview with the newspaper? Why not just say "no comment"?

Kobe remains selfish and despite the lack of talent around him, refuses to let anyone else shoot. I hope they trade Lamar Odom for a pack of 1988 Hoops and then make Kobe play the rest of his career with Vladamir Radmonivic and Kwame Brown.

Disaster

Yesterday proved to be a tough one for the life of a loyal Seattle sports fan.

Looks like the Grizzlies are hiring my choice for Sonics Head Coach, Marc Iavaroni. No good.

After pulling to within 3 1/2 games of first place, the Mariners lost two games in a row to the Angels including Felix giving up seven runs last night. Ouch.

Turns out Jeff Weaver is going back into the rotation in less than a week. Kill me.

Lastly, the Indy Wahoos lost their leading scorer and top overall player, Matt Airy, to strep throat and subsequently lost both games of a double header last night.

The undefeated dream is over. We lost game one by four and game two by four. Mostly due to exhaustion as we played both games back-to-back with no subs. Five guys. No halftime. No time between games. Essentially we played one hour and 40 minutes straight of basketball.

And I am still alive.

I changed my routine a little for yesterday's games after the near throw up Red Bull incident the week before. With the power of water, Tiger's Milk bar, and Oats N' Honey bar, I felt incredible. Nothing weighing me down, I felt quicker and more agile than usual. Which is like Joe saying he felt taller than usual. It had no effect on the outcome of the game.

Without Airy present (and his 25.0 points/game), I knew I needed to step up the scoring. I hit a three early on. Yes! We have reached the points per game average! But not everything is going well. The turnovers are abundant on my part and it all has to do with this capri-pants wearing, heroin addict playing the top of the zone for the Shoreline Gold Seal.

Yes, we played a team from Shoreline at Shoreline Community College. This is like Kobe going back to Philly. The crowd (some guy's parents) knew I wanted to impress. And this capri-pants guy didn't want me to go off. I hated him immediately. This guy clearly had too much energy (hence my thought that he did heroin, along with me stereotyping him due to his skinny nature with some veins showing and a typical rocker/artist look) and not enough skill. He would fly in and try to jump over people for tip ins. He would just come out and slap me on the arm while I brought the ball up. Then when he got a deflection, I wanted to kick him in the teeth. I hated this guy.

So as you can see, the capri man was in my head. That didn't stop me from converting a three pass alley oop for a lay in and a suprising five points early on. I had visions of a 20 point night running through my head. As the game continued, I had my ups and downs despite my early energy and confidence-boosting five points. With a slim lead I caught a reversal a few feet behind the three point arc. Feeling saucy, I threw up a high arcing beauty that banked in. The ref told me I had to call it. I retorted, "not when you are as bad as I am". Oh snap. Eat it reffie.

The second half seemed like an eternity as I tried to pace myself knowing we had a whole other game to go. Unfortunately the rest of my team paced themselves as well and we fell behind by about 16 with only eight minutes to go. Then we started to come back. Threes were flying, lay ups were dropping, and my rebounding skills went to work. I pushed the ball to open shooters or open defenders which ever came first. I drove to the hoop, absorbed contact and finished. Double digits baby!

Our comeback nearly ended early due to the incredible display of intelligence by my teammate Akon. The 5'2 sparkplug decided to talk trash while the other team shot free throws. Early on in the game the ref told him to stop after asking him if he was Rip Hamilton. I whispered, "clearly he isn't Rip Hamilton." He kept talking trash. "Your foot is on the line." And so on. Finally, the ref tells him to get out of here. Cut that crap out. Akon doesn't even leave, he just says, "I can't say anything?" I am thinking that he might have a few learning disabilities. I told him to shut up. He listened because everyone listens to the best player on the court (or eighth best, but who's keeping track?).

Despite our valant comeback, we fell short. The first loss stung a little. But it was nothing compared to the feeling in my legs as my new enemy (the ref on the other court) called us over to start playing game two. No break. Rubbing it in was the other team who sat on the bench eating popsicles. Yes popsicles. But the image of a bunch of scrubs plus a White Chocolate look-a-like eating popsicles was nothing compared to the refs.

As the game began, I noticed the other team simply inbounding the ball and chucking it up court on calls. For example, the ref calls a travel. The other team just grabs the ball and inbounds, they don't even give the ball to the ref. I tell my new enemy that we have played six games and never experienced this. He says, "I don't know who has been reffing your games then". Well mister suck-at-reffing, the guy who runs the league has reffed our games. It doesn't matter to him. Then White Chocolate tells me it is always like this. I nearly melt him with my icy glare.

Early on White Chocolate proves to be the best player as he drains ridiculous stand still ugly form threes. I want to punch him in the throat, kidney, spleen, testicles, and cornia. The game continues with this occuring and I miss multiple threes. We lead most of the first half despite my lack of scoring. Seems odd I know. I get a lay up cherry picking and I start sprinting a lot more. Weird how that works huh?

All of this occuring with the other ref showing complete incompetence. My new enemy at least knows basketball. The other ref might be retarded. In fact, he looks just like this guy (right) from some CBS sitcom. He told White Chocolate to shut up when he talked. Then he pointed the wrong way and said, "Green ball!" I asked him whose ball and he said, "Green! I said that!" Whoa tiger. This guy was clearly unstable.

The game remained close as I started to rack up assists including a Joe Montana-esque dime over the defense to a streaking Akon for a lay in. Everyone liked that one. I steal the ball later and with a large 6'6 guy on my back apparently swing my elbow and hit his tooth. It doesn't stop me as I dribble into a horrible pass on the fast break. Of course, I ask the guy as he gets the ball back if he is ok. I genuinely want to know and also want to avoid being assaulted.

After a lay up late, I landed and my calf said, "what the hell are you doing jumping son?" I decided to stay mostly on the ground. And with players cramping on each side, it became a war of attrition. Only I will not lose this war. (As opposed to the wars I did lose such as the war with the fence in college or the four year war with my bike in college).

With the game on the line late, I knew I had to 'd' up White Chocolate. Others may have quickness, but they play stupid defense. I told Akon 42 times to trace the ball and keep a hand up so that W.C. couldn't shoot his three. He didn't listen, so I needed to take this game over myself. White Chocolate could do nothing against me as his quickness rivaled my own. Down two, Butler screened across for Tim as I threw a ridiculous dime from the top for a lay in. Tie game.

Soon after we have the ball on an inbounds play and I throw it in. White Chocolate tells me I shouldn't inbound under the hoop. I think many things including:

1. I have a state championship as a coach and teach inbounds plays, so please save the lessons for your soon-to-be six children.

2. Punching him.

3. Him stabbing me with a dagger after I punch him.

Instead I keep silent and play for victory. With the game tied, we play good defense and get a missed shot. Unfortunately they get a tip in from the guy who showed up at halftime. Trust me, there is no bigger advantage in men's rec league than being rested. We need a two. Butler brings the ball up and tells me to get it. I am standing two feet away with no one on me. He doesn't pass, but yells for me to get the ball. Confused, I wait for the pass. Butler decides to drop it off behind his back. As the ball rolls loose, only White Chocolate and me have a chance to grab the rock. He didn't stand a chance as I grab it. Needing help at this point, I throw to Tim who kicks it to Butler. He lines up a three and shoots. Knowing full well he should have passed to me, the ball inevitably goes off the rim. We foul, but rested guy hits both free throws. The game is over. My life ruined.

I try to take solace in the fact that I never fully cramped and didn't have to leave the game. With this in mind, I add up my stats (of course estimating since I could barely walk, think, or feel):

Game 1 - 10 points, 5 rebounds, 8 assists, 2 steals

Game 2 - 4 points, 4 rebounds, 11 assists, 3 steals

Those seem right. Averages now stand at 4.0 points, 4.5 rebounds, 7.0 assists, 2.8 steals. That comes up to 32 fantasy points per game in rotissirie style scoring. You might want to consider picking me up if you are running a men's rec league Wednesday night fantasy league. Just a thought.

Oden's Seattle Knowledge

Draftexpress.com interviewed Greg Oden on a variety of topics. When they approached the possibility of him playing in Seattle, Oden responded with this.

I was just watching ‘He Got Game’ yesterday with Ray Allen. You know what? Seattle was a team, that every time I saw them play they were beating good teams. I don’t know how they didn’t make the playoffs. When it came up I was like ‘they didn’t make the playoffs?’ They were a team when you see them on TV, the arena is sold out and the fans were going crazy. I know it rains in both places, so wherever I go, I need to get a raincoat!

Hmm, Greg. I am not sure you got your facts straight.

1. Good teams don't go 31-51.
2. You apparently think the Sonics were in the movie 'He Got Game'. Do you know that is fictional?
3. By seeing them on TV, do you mean one of the eight times they appeared on national television last season (three of which were on NBA TV)?
4. Oh and by beating good teams, you must mean the Sonics 10-36 record against teams that made the playoffs this season. That includes a stellar 2-9 mark against the four conference finalists.
5. Yes, and of course you meant not sold out when you said sold out arena with crazy fans. As you know Gregory, the Sonics averaged 15,955 fans per game, good for 25th in the league.

Can't wait to see you in person. Thanks for doing some good research.

East Coast Bias

Obviously those of us living on the West Coast constantly deal with the East Coast bias. We see it in so many things it cannot be listed or we will go insane. Recently Steven A. Smith talked about how the NBA screwed up having the #1 and #2 picks in the Northwest. But that doesn't come close to this atrocity. The Burger King last week's King of the Night on ESPN.com:

Dario Franchitti - Won Indy 500

Uh, married to Ashley Judd. Much more impressive.

LeBron James - 32 points, 9 rebounds, 9 assists in Game 3

Dunk was ridiculous.

Travis Moen - GW goal in Stanley Cup finals

Hockey. Who cares?

Kevin Youkilis - 20 game hit streak

Wait. A 20 game hit streak gets you a nomination? Well how about Ichiro's 21 game hit streak?

East Coast bias.

In the past week, Youkilis hit 14 for 33 (.424) with one homer, 5 RBI, and 9 runs scored.

Ichiro hit 13 for 33 (.394) with two homers, 6 RBI, and 9 runs scored. And the Mariners went 6-1 while the Red Sox went 5-2.

I hate you Burger King.

En Fuego

“Coming with more hits than the Braves and the Yankees” – Phife Dawg of A Tribe Called Quest on the song “Award Tour”.

The Seattle Mariners are coming with more hits than anyone in Major League Baseball right now. The offense seemingly cannot be stopped. In the past five games, the M’s average 10 runs per game and 14.8 hits per game while posting a 4-1 mark during that span. Additionally they have more hits than any other team in baseball during the month of May and scored the fourth most runs. How did this happen?

Before the Mariners ventured on the current road trip, I wrote in this blog that they needed to win five out of six games against Tampa Bay and Kansas City to have a shot heading into Anaheim. They went out and did just that. To add a little extra excitement into the Seattle fan base, the hometown nine went out and beat the Angels 12-5 last night to pull within 3 ½ games of first and move three games above .500 for the first time since 2003.

While winning six out of seven games, the Mariners line up posted a .334 average while the starters did just enough to win games (with the exception of recently injured Horacio Ramirez). The central difference in this team between then and now lies in the situational hitting.

In my earlier blog, I noted that the M’s ranked 12th in the American Leauge in on-base percentage, 13th in at bats with runners in scoring position, and 9th in average with runners in scoring position. This meant they weren’t getting on base and then in turn weren’t driving guys in when they did get on base. Now they stand 8th in the AL in OBP at .331 (more guys getting on) and 3rd in average with RISP at .286 (driving them in like crazy).

Along with Ichiro’s (hitting .364 in the past seven games) 21 game hit streak, the middle of the line up is finally producing. Richie Sexson is hitting .333 with two homers and 10 RBI in the past seven games while Adrian Beltre is even hotter at .440 with three dongs and four RBIs. Raul Ibanez is hitting .375 in the same time. If these guys continue to hit, the Mariners will be hard to beat especially when they get leads early.

When Seattle gets a lead heading into the 6th or 7th, it is trouble for the opposition. Sean White and Jason Davis provide mop up long relief, but the other five relievers are the guys who protect leads and they are spectacular. The 7th inning belongs to lefty Eric O’Flaherty (2.35 ERA) and right hander Sean Green (2.70 ERA) with Chris Reitsma hurt. The 8th inning becomes tougher with lefty George Sherrill (1.76 ERA) and rookie righty Brandon Morrow (1.96 ERA). Of course J.J. Putz owns the ninth (1.25 ERA and 12-for-12 in saves). Collectively these five have pitched 48 1/3 innings in May with a 2.05 ERA and 51 strikeouts while allowing only 33 hits. Even more impressive, the end three of Sherrill, Morrow, and Putz have given up only one run in the past 36 2/3 innings they have pitched.

With the success of the bullpen and the recent hitting, the starters need to keep the team in the game into the 6th and 7th innings. Currently Felix Hernandez (3-2, 2.87 ERA), Jarrod Washburn (5-4, 3.22 ERA), and Cha Seung Baek (2-2, 4.60 ERA) are capable of this. Washburn went at least six innings in nine of ten starts this season while Baek has done this feat in his past four starts. Felix is getting better each start since the injury and since he has never given up more than three earned runs this season, he always gives the Mariners a chance to win. Batista proves to be inconsistent (5-4, 5.72 ERA) as he pitched at least into the sixth in the past three starts, but the league still hits .321 against him.

The final starter changed since Ramirez went on the DL and we will see what Ryan Feierabend can do today. With Jeff “I Hate You” Weaver still ailing from sucking so bad and no one else on the 40 man roster to replace, Feierabend gets the nod. Not that he has been bad in AAA, posting a 2-2 record with a 3.86 ERA and not giving up more than three earned runs in any of his 10 starts. He goes up against Ervin Santana who looks awful at 3-6 with a 6.00 ERA, but of course he beat the Mariners this year already and posts a 3-1 record with a 2.33 ERA at home this year. The bright side is that Seattle does fine against him in the past three years (1-2, 6.56 ERA).The series concludes with The King versus Jered Weaver. Obviously no matter how well Weaver pitches, the Mariners have a good chance of winning with Felix on the hill.

With a pretty good line up now and a fantastic bullpen, the Mariners have a shot at the A.L. West still. They need Sexson, Beltre, and Ibanez to keep producing like they have in the past week and more help from the bottom two starters in the rotation. Needless to say, you won’t see me complaining much when the team ranks first in the majors in batting average at .281 and at 25-22 with Felix pitching every fifth day. Things could be a whole lot worse (like the past three seasons).

Nash, Russell, and Gyno

With the signing period recently ending for college basketball, it is time to take a look at the West Coast Conference and who will compete for the league title next year. For those of you unaware of how awesome the WCC really is, let me tell you.

NBA greats Bill Russell, Steve Nash, and John Stockton all came from the WCC. So did quality players such as KC Jones, Bill Cartwright, Kurt Rambis, and Dennis Johnson. The league came together in 1952 with original members Santa Clara, Saint Mary's, San Francisco, San Jose State, and Pacific. It added Loyola Marymount and Pepperdine in 1955 and came to full eight team status, as is today, in 1979.

With that said, Gonzaga owns the conference currently and it sucks. Everyone hates them. The list of annoying players who dominated at Gonzaga includes Richie Frahm, Casey Calvary, Dan Dickau, Blake Stepp, Ronny Turiaf, Derek Raivio, and of course Adam Morrison. Who likes any of those players really?

Nevertheless the domination cannot be denied. The Bulldogs appeared in the NCAA Tournament the past nine seasons and played in the WCC Championship ten straight years posting a 8-2 mark during that time. Of course they never appeared in the Final Four like Santa Clara did in 1952, but who keeps track of these things?

Next year Gonzaga will be the favorite once again. They lose emaciated guard Derek Raivio and 45 year old forward Sean Mallon to graduation while sullen guard Pierre Altidor-Cespedes will transfer. Of course they bring in the 28th best recruit in the country in 6-9 foward Austin Daye to go along with the 81st best recruit in shooting guard Steven Gray. They will roll out a pretty formidable line up with Jeremy Pargo and Matt Bouldin at guards, Josh Heytvelt (expected to return despite mushrooms hanging off his lips), David Pendergraft and Micah Downs on the front line and a bench featuring Daye, Gray, Larry Gurganious, and Abudallah Kuso. That will be tough to beat. Really tough.

So the fight will once again be for second place, unless Heytvelt gets more of his teammates arrested or Downs transfers (a definite possibility considering he attended seven high schools and two colleges already). Santa Clara, Saint Mary's, San Diego, and San Francisco should all be in the hunt for the second spot.

The Broncos lose a lot in all-conferences players Sean Denison (co-player of the year), Scott Dougherty (would rather be a dentist than play a fourth year), and Danny Pariseau (good, he whines too much). They do return a good point guard in Brody Angley and big man John Bryant (cut your hair please). Mitch Henke also returns and he holds the distinction of being my most hated Bronco. I do not like that guy. He blew the championship game against Gonzaga. I can't really remember why (which is the primary reason why I would never be a good sportswriter), but I just hate him (the other reason why I would never be a good sportswriter, I don't think you are supposed to say you hate people). The Broncos also return seven footer Josh Higgins and guard Calvin Johnson. While Higgins still looks like a project, Johnson should play a lot of minutes next year.

Santa Clara's recruiting class proved to be one of the better one's in recent memory. Scott Thompson, a 6-11 center from Idaho, should be able to play right away and was ranked as the 40th best center in the country. 6-9 forward Andrew Zimmerman will help as well and junior college transfer guard Zac Tiedeman comes in with a reputation as a shooter who should log minutes at both guard spots. 6-7 forward Ben Dowdell rounds out the class as the first Australian to commit to the Broncos. For whatever that is worth.

San Francisco loses all-conference forward Alan Wiggins Jr as well as contributers Armando Surratt and Johnny Dukes. Yet they return a talented guard tandem of Antonio Kellogg and Manny Quezada as well as a talented freshmen in forward Jay Watkins. Too bad their mascot is a fat orange basketball with a Zorro mask. Seriously, how stupid is that? The Dons do bring in a good class led by 6-4 wing Wendell McKines. He should contribute right away, as should Texas Tech transfer Dior Lowhorn who sat out last season.

The baby sister school, Saint Mary's, still calls themselves the Gaels. And they still want our attention at Santa Clara so they pretend there is a rivalry. It doesn't count as a rivalry when you beat a team three times. Oh snap. Eat it Gaels.

I have to enjoy that while I can considering Saint Mary's returns almost their entire roster including superstar wanna-be Diamon Simpson and foreigner of the year Omar Samhan. They bring in a couple point guards with no recognition, but should help the backcourt depth.

Meanwhile the San Diego Toreros still count Jenny Craig as their most famous alumna. Now they have Bill Grier as their head coach (former top assistant at Gonzaga) which should help recruiting. With 6-6 forward Rob Jones and 6-2 guard Sammy Yeager Bombs as their top recruits, the Toreros will be looking to the current roster for much of the production. Gyno (what profession should he go into?) Pomare leads the boys as a returning all-conference player after averaging 14.9 points and 8.3 rebounds per game. Guard Brandon Johnson also returns after putting up 12.8 points per game last year. They return five other contributors to a team that underachieved last season.

Loyola Marymount, Portland, and Pepperdine will all be fighting to get out of the six through eight spots and count on a number of recruits to help achieve said goal. Rodney Tention leads the Lions as he brings in Bishop O'Dowd graduate Brandon Walker (you thought maybe David Dunch?) and Snohomish product Tim Diedrichs. The issue is that Loyola loses their top four scorers and six out of the top seven from last season including Matthew Knight and Adoyah Miller. Those names mean nothing to you, I understand.

P-Town, home of Brewfest and the Beavs, returns a couple decent forwards in Jamie Jones and Sherrard Watson to go along with Asian Sensation guard Taishi Ito. Despite the fear of this three-0, the Pilots and coach Eric Reveno will be looking for recruits Nik Raivio (JC transfer and yes, the brother of the emaciated one), Kramer Knutson, Jared Stohl (local kid who shoots really well), and Luke Sikma (son of Jack and dominated by the Prep Panthers last season) to contribute greatly.

Pepperdine coach Vance Wahlberg brought a new style of basketball to the beach last season and promptly scared all the players away. But he brings in a bunch of new recruits, some of which are highly touted. 6-7 forward Tyrone Shelley leads the group closely followed by 6-8 Malcolm Thomas and 6-6 Jon Reed. They will be pretty good in a few years, but may not be ready next season.

Wow. More than you ever wanted to know about WCC basketball. Since we got this far, let's rank the top recruiting classes in the conference this season.

1. Gonzaga

2. Pepperdine

3. San Francisco
4. Santa Clara

5. San Diego

6. Portland

7. Loyola Marymount

8. Saint Mary's

And an early prediction at the conference standings:

1. Gonzaga

2. Saint Mary's

3. Santa Clara

4. San Diego

5. San Francisco

6. Portland

7. Pepperdine

8. Loyola Marymount

Gellin

The readers (Joe in this case) request certain things to be covered on the blog and when it involves my own athletic prowess, I must oblige.

The biggest reason I did not write a story about the Indy Wahoo’s game last week at Jefferson Community Center revolved around the fact that we only had four players at the beginning of the game. We ended up with five regulars and one scrub off the street who played with us. I nearly passed out from that much physical activity so my brain could not remember many of the details. A quick recap:

I scored three points to slightly lower my average. No matter who I guarded they would say out loud, “post him up” and followed it by scoring over me consistently. I threw a couple great passes and a bunch of lousy ones and we won the game. We were the underdog, thus pushing our record to 4-0 and 3-1 against the spread.

Moving on to this week. With Dana gone to Eastern Washington, my days involve taking naps after school, watching the Mariners and playing video games. Thus the thought of running up and down a court appealed to me if only to avoid complete slothfulness. At around 5:00 p.m. I decided to eat a sandwich, some yogurt, a chocolate chip cookie, and some sting cheese. Nice small meal. Of course this does not count the Red Bull and chocolate croissant I had for breakfast. Shhhhh.

The game begins and we have six players. Of course I start. Was there any doubt? We win the tip as Matt Airy smartly taps it back to me. Good idea to get the ball quickly into the hands of our playmaker.

We start off pretty slow. And by pretty slow, I mean awful. Like a four grade girls team. The score stands 6-4 with ten minutes gone by in the first half. And we are losing. The opponents (Ballahalics) are in a zone. How the hell do you spell Ballaholics? Jesus, what a stupid name (as a reminder we did not create the name Indy Wahoo’s for ourselves, but our opponents do come up with the names such as Crunk City).

As the point guard my job is to distribute. And I pass early. Then no one ever passes back to me. Airy is missing threes. Airy throws the ball consistenly to the other team early. Big man Tim misses lay ins. I miss a three. We are ridiculously bad. This is pretty much how the entire first half plays out as we are down by six. The bright side involves only being down by six after playing so awful. The dark side remains my lack of touching the ball. Seriously, let’s get the ball to me a little more. Of course when I do shoot, I either a) miss horribly or b) miss horribly because the ball glances off my own forehead as I am shooting. I know, I know.

The second half begins and we play with a renewed vigor in part due to our switching to a 2-3 zone. This change in philosophy hits me hard. As a coach, I never have my team play zone especially at the freshmen and JV level. At the varsity level, you need a zone as a counter defense similar to a blitz package in football or a circle change in baseball. What convinced me to play zone in this game was my chest and throat area. They seemed to be both full of pain, suffering, Red Bull, and turkey and havarti sandwich. It is very difficult to play while burping up dinner constantly.

You know how they call point guards like Steve Nash a coach on the floor? Well we literally had three coaches on the floor with Airy (pictured on the right), Matt Butler, and myself. It’s like we jumped in a time machine and went back to the days of Lenny Wilkins as player/coach. The advantage to having three coaches on the floor is that we constantly communicate because when our players don’t we want to bang our heads against the backboard repeatedly. Thus our 2-3 became a chatterbox 2-3 and it stifled the Ballaholics.

Our lack of offense in trying to break the opponent’s 2-3 zone kept us down in the five to eight point range for much of the second half. After some ill-advised shots by my teammates and a lack of touching the ball, I subbed myself out of the game. Not only that but my body would not respond to what my mind asked it to do such as cutting to open spots in the zone for easy buckets. While out of the game, I contemplated my role on this team. As the other team called time out, I stepped up my game. I told the guys that we need to just throw the first easy pass and trust each other; we are too busy trying to make the perfect pass.

Side note: in this league, timeouts do not stop the time. Hence, I believe they should be called runningclockouts or rest for old dudes time.

The game resumed and we still trailed as our worst player, Harry, chucks up a three that misses. Time to sub myself back in. We trail by five when I enter the game with about 6:30 left. The score reads 49-44 bad guys winning. Unfortunately for them, we start to gel. We are gellin like a felon with no watermelon. That is such a better line for those shoe insoles commercials.

We start to inch back into it. Like the good coach that I am, as we are down three with 2:30 left, I tell our team that there is a lot of time. Butler hits a free throw. Down two. My cat like reflexes provide some stellar defense in this stretch including a ridiculous one handed-grab out of thin air-spiderman type steal. Which brings me to my next point.

Spiderman 3 was one of the top five worst movies I have ever seen. It now stands in a list with Crazy/Beautiful, King Kong, Congo, and Waterworld (featuring Santa Clara Hawaiian girl). I don’t think I actually watched Waterworld, but we always used to like to bring it up because this girl from Santa Clara was an extra in it and she hated that we brought it up. But seriously could more stupid things happen in Spiderman 3? I hate it.

So Tim scores inside and the game is tied up. We get a stop and the ball is pitched ahead to Airy who bangs in a three to put us up 52-49. That’s right, lockdown defense led by me. We are flying around the perimeter to prevent any threes and we grab the rebound. Actually I grab it. And I will not pass this baby. They foul me and kind of twist me around. I throw my elbow out as if to say, “get off of me”. Ready to ice the game I bend my legs to get prepared for the one-and-one. I release, rotation, and clank off the front rim. Luckily Butler grabbed his 87th rebound of the game and we kicked it out to call timeout with about 20 seconds left.

I volunteer to screen for Airy as we inbound and I set a beauty. He gets the ball and is fouled. Two free throws later this game is iced and I need some ice. Zero points and maybe four rebounds. Not a shining performance but another win for the Wahoos. At 5-0 and now 3-1-1 (we pushed this one) against the spread, we feel nearly unstoppable.

As Airy and I sit and relax before getting ready to leave the gym, Harry comes over to say goodbye. Airy says, “Harry, you can sub in whenever. Don’t be afraid, just grab me. It is fine.”
Harry responds, “I guess the more I know you guys the more comfortable I will be to do that. To I guess, just be an ass”.

Being an ass is fine Harry, just as long as you don’t ever sub for me.

Now What?

"Pacific Northwest, take the spotlight now" - Blue Scholars.

Blazers #1. Sonics #2.

Whether ESPN reporters want to admit it or not, the East Coast bias is in the house. When Steven A. Smith says this is the worst thing that could happen to the league, he shows a ridiculous East Coast bias. No one outside of Boston cares if the Celtics will be good again. And absolutely no one cares about Philly.

It doesn't matter. It simply does not matter if reporters like it or not, the fact remains that the two best players to enter the NBA since LeBron James will be heading to the Pacific Northwest. The Blazers and Sonics will be on national television every time they play next year. It is fantastic. Even if the Sonics move after this season, it will be ok.

See, I get the perfect choice. If the Sonics stay, I get to watch Kevin Durant for the next 10 years. If they leave, I get to choose. I can keep my allegiance with the Sonics and root for them in Oklahoma City or Kansas City or Las Vegas. Or I can say screw that since the team screwed us and root for the next closest team, the Portland Trail Blazers featuring Greg Oden. Best case scenario all around.

And no, it isn't sports bigamy. Here are the rules for rooting for a team on the professional level:

1. If they are in your city, you root for them unless:
a. you grew up in a different city
b. the team moved away, breaking your heart, and then came back or never came back
2. If there is no team in your city or 1a or 1b applies, you may root for the next closest team by location
3. your best friend or someone very close to you plays for a professional team

That is it. No other rules work. So you can't just decide that the San Antonio Spurs or the Houston Astros are your favorite team. And you really can't wear an Angels jersey and hat when they go to the World Series after claiming the Astros were your favorite team.

Thus I get to choose for one time only. And let me tell you, it will be hard to choose the Sonics if they move. Consider the following. I would never see them play in person, they broke my heart, I coached a current Blazer, and one of the top three Washington basketball players in history is their best current player. Not to mention Greg Oden looking like he is 91 years old as a third-year pro.

Anyway, back to the Supes. After they draft Kevin Durant, what do they do? First they need to hire a General Manager. The current hot list candidates (despite no formal recognition of interviewing anyone) are Detroit Pistons assistant G.M. Scott Perry, San Antonio Spurs Vice President and Assistant G.M. Sam Presti, and Phoenix Suns Vice President David Griffin. The only one they can actually interview right now is Griffin. Thus we must wait. All three would be great choices as those teams consistently make smart personnel decisions.

Detroit's salaries for next year stand at $57.6 million. San Antonio pays out $60.9 million and Phoenix $76.5 million. The Suns obviously are over the cap (will be set somewhere between $53 million and $58 million this summer), but compete for the NBA championship, or at least have that caliber of team. Obviously San Antonio and Detroit are in good shape as they look to be headed toward a NBA Finals showdown.

The Spurs consistently make brilliant personnel moves from getting the best out of veterans for reasonable prices (Michael Finley - 3 years, $9 million, Robert Horry - 3 years, $9 million, so-so Brent Barry - 4 years, $23 million). San Antonio also drafted Tony Parker 28th overall and Manu Ginobli 57th overall. Meanwhile the Pistons re-built by grabbing veterans who either did not perform or wore out their welcome such as Chauncey Billups and Rasheed Wallace. They also chose to not overpay for Ben Wallace, while drafting Tayshaun Prince 23rd overall. (They obviously blew the Darko pick). The Suns spent big on Steve Nash, but added Boris Diaw through trade and traded for Leandro Barbosa on draft day (28th overall) and Amare Stoudamire (12th) on draft day. They got Shawn Marion at number nine. In addition, they signed Raja Bell to a good deal (5 years, $24 million).

Who the Sonics select as head coach will be more crucial to the future of the team. The candidates thrown out in the media include Marc Iavaroni (assistant coach Suns), Jim Cleamons (assistant Lakers), Kurt Rambis (assistant Lakers), Sam Vincent (assistant coach Mavs), Dwayne Casey, and Paul Silas. This list confirms in my mind that the only man for the job is Iavaroni. He has been linked to the Memphis job, but the Sonics getting Durant may change his mind.

They go get Iavaroni as coach and any of the listed three as General Manager. Off to a good start. Now the decision facing the squad is the future of Rashard Lewis. No way do you let him walk away. There are only two options - sign him to keep or sign and trade.

The Sonics advantage lies in the collective bargaining agreement. It states that a player with Larry Bird rights (meaning a player who has been with a team for three years without being traded or released in that time) can sign with his team for more money and more years. Thus Seattle can offer Lewis a six year deal while other teams can only offer five years. In addition, the Sonics can increase the value of each year by 10.5% while other teams can only increase 8% each season. Since Rashard has been in the league for eight years, the Sonics can offer him a six year deal worth $112 million. Is he worth that much?

The simple answer is no. Carmelo Anthony (4 years, $63 million), LeBron James (3 years, $42 million), and Dwayne Wade (3 years, $42 million) all set the market for superstars last summer. The Bulls signed Ben Wallace to a 4 year, $60 million deal, while Peja Stojakovic (5 years, $64 million), Al Harrington (4 years, $39 million), Jason Terry (6 years, $57 million), and Nene (5 years, $60 million) really set the market for Rashard Lewis-type players. The summer previous Joe Johnson inked a 5 year, $70 million deal, while Ray Allen (5 years, $80 million) and Michael Redd (6 years, $91 million) re-signed with their current teams.

Lewis' value lies around the Johnson/Stojakovic/Terry/Redd range. The comparison between Lewis, Redd, and Johnson is important to find his value. Michael Redd holds career averages of 20.1 points and 4.2 rebounds while shooting 39.2% from three, 85% from the line, and 45% overall from the field. In his contract year, Redd put up 23.0 points per game with 4.2 rebounds while shooting 35.5% from three. He is a one-time All-Star. Joe Johnson's career stats show 15.6 points per game and 4.0 rebounds per game while shooting 37.6% from downtown, 76.4% from the line, and 44% overall. In his contract year Johnson put up 17.1 points per game and 5.1 rebounds per game while shooting 47.8% from three (ridiculous) and 75% from the line. He is also a one-time All-Star. Meanwhile Rashard holds career numbers of 16.6 points per game and 5.8 rebounds per game while knocking down 38.6% from threee, 80.1% from the line, and 46% from the field. Last year he put up 22.4 points, 6.6 rebounds, and 84.1% free throw percentage with 39.3% from three and 46% overall.

In his contract year, Rashard Lewis put up more impressive stats with better shooting percentages than both Johnson and Redd. So his value lies around the 6 years, $90 million mark. But what about the fact that he plays the same position as Durant? Not a problem if you hire Iavaroni (this is assuming that Iavaroni's coaching philosophy falls in line with Mike D'Antoni). Look at the potential rotation.

Starters

PG Luke Ridnour

SG Ray Allen

SF Rashard Lewis

PF Kevin Durant

C Chris Wilcox

Bench

PG Earl Watson

C Robert Swift

PF Nick Collison

SG/SF Michael Gelabale/Damien Wilkins

If this team played up-tempo like the Suns, they could win a lot of games and fans would watch. Try to slow down, run sets, and play defense much like Bob Hill did this season and you are looking at another lottery pick. They would win more games, but still have issues. Especially since none of those starters can defend at all. Actually that might be the worst defense for a starting unit of all-time. So you have to run and outscore people. They can do that with this group.

Ridnour, Collison, and Wilcox are perfectly suited for an up-tempo style. Neither Collison or Wilcox can score with any sort of consistency in the post a.l.a. Tim Duncan or Kevin Garnett. Ridnour shows his skill in the open court as a very good passer and decent penetrator. His value diminishes once the game becomes a walk it up affair. Lewis, Allen, and Durant will be able to score in either style, but they become better if the Sonics play fast. Durant can use his athletic ability in the open court and Lewis doesn't have to try and prove he can go by people with the dribble (which he can't, despite the contrary opinion often talked about this past season). Allen hits most of his threes in transition. It is perfect. They can even use the veteran mid-level exception on a veteran like Desmond Mason who can defend and play in the open court.

Now what if they traded Rashard Lewis? This is more of a possibility than Lewis signing with another team. He wants the most money he can get, especially since this will be the biggest contract he ever signs. In 2002, Lewis spurned the Dallas Mavericks for the Sonics when he signed a seven year, $60 million deal. The only team this offseason that he would consider (unless the Sonics completely lowball him) is the Orlando Magic. They will push for him or Vince Carter and with Dwight Howard down low, that would be an intriguing possibility. Of course, that wouldn't make them better.

You need three legitimate scorers in the NBA to be successful. Out of the sixteen playoff teams, nine squads have three guys average more than 15 points per game. Detroit doesn't, but they do have five guys in double figures and really on that as their offense. The worst teams in the league usually have only one or two scorers. The Sonics, in addition to their porous defense, faced this issue with Lewis and Allen. Seattle had no one else to consistenly put the ball in the hoop and take advantage of mismatches. Durant will provide that.

So if you trade Lewis, you need to get someone back in return who will score. With this in mind a trade for Jason Kidd does not qualify. The Nets might consider it if they don't sign Vince (which does not seem likely right now, but it is early). They get the next big free agent in Lewis and they can hand over the team to Marcus Williams as Kidd will most likely demand a trade. The Sonics would have a big upgrade at the point, but still only two scorers. How about to Portland for Zach Randolph? Interesting possibility, but who wants Randolph's attitude? When he is good and playing hard, he is really good. Now you have a low post scorer and two elite perimeter scorers. If it worked out, the Sonics would be really good. But if Randolph acted like he usually does, it could be really bad. A gamble to say the least.

What about Jermaine O'Neal, Kevin Garnett, or Shawn Marion? All rumored to be tradeable, but the Pacers, Timberwolves, and Suns do not get better with a trade for Rashard. The Suns might be ok with the trade, but Marion provides better defense and rebounding. Lewis would give them a better scorer.

It appears the best option is to keep him and I am fine with that as long as they play fast. With Iavaroni as coach they can do that and be successful. With Durant, they can hopefully save a franchise in a city that may be a whole lot interested in the team staying.

F&%$ YEAH!

Sweet eight pound, six ounce baby Jesus!

Driving in my car and hearing that the Sonics will be in the top three got me anxious. Real anxious. I would rather have the number five pick than the number three pick. It has to be a top two! Please.

Number two! YES!

Kevin Durant will be a Sonic. I repeat, Kevin Durant will be a Sonic. Oh that sound so good.

I can't get over how excited I am. The only thing that can mess this up would be them drafting someone else or trading the pick. But I trust Lenny Wilkins. He and the assistant GM on the radio both mentioned that you can't go wrong with either of the top two. That means they will take one of them. (Genius, I know).

I will have more tomorrow on what the Sonics should do overall now and a mock draft. I can't think straight yet, need time to digest this.

I think I am going to go buy season tickets now.

Time to Love the Sports Guy Again

The Sports Guy advocates for the Sonics to win the #1 overall pick in the lottery tonight. I love him again.

Here is the little excerpt and the link to the whole article.

1. SONICS (No. 5 in the Ping-Pong order)

1. Their fans definitely slacked the past two years, but only because their billionaire owner kept threatening to move if they didn't help him pay for a new arena. Would you vote for a tax increase to help out someone who owns every Starbucks on the planet? I didn't think so. Anyway, I gave them eight points for loyalty/history -- that's been a great NBA city and one of the better playoff crowds I can remember.

2. Landing Oden or Durant would save pro basketball in Seattle -- after all, how could they move under those circumstances -- but we're not sure if Team Stern believes this would be a good thing or a bad thing, so I'm giving them seven points for "rigging potential" as a compromise grade. No franchise has more riding on those Ping-Pong balls tonight. If they don't get a top-two pick, they're almost definitely gone.

3. A run-and-gun team of bombers built around Ray Allen, Rashard Lewis and Durant would be exceedingly entertaining to watch, right? The mere thought of those three guys trading 25-footers earns them 10 points for "entertainment value."

So those are my top-three karmic picks. The Sixers deserve a break because they kept playing hard down the stretch, Ping-Pong balls be damned. The Celtics deserve a break after their fans suffered through two decades of bad luck and poor planning. And Seattle deserves a break because it's a good basketball city that's being held hostage by some latte-drinking billionaire dipwad who sold the team to the ultra-conservative Oklahoma hick with no soul. Check out the final list along with my mock picks for each team. Yeah, that's right ... it's a mock draft of a mock karmic lottery! Have some of that, Chad Ford!

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/070522&sportCat=nba

Oh please, oh please let this happen.

State of the M's

After absolutely clubbing the Angels 11-3 on Tuesday, May 15 to pull within one game of first place, the Seattle Mariners proceeded to lose four of the past five games to both the Los Angeles team and the San Diego Padres. They now stand five games behind the surging Angels with some serious flaws.

Richie Sexson and Raul Ibanez are both out right now (Sexson because he sucks and Ibanez because he sucks at sleeping). This pushed Jose Guillen up to the third spot in the lineup and the replacement Ben Broussard to clean up. Ouch.

In the four losses, the Mariners blew a number of opportunities with runners in scoring position, more specifically on third base, with less than two outs. In the 5-0 loss to the Angels on Wednesday, Ichiro led off the bottom of the first with a single. He proceeded to steal second as he has now decided that he will steal anytime he wants, thus his eight steals in the past six games. Jose Vidro did what average number two hole hitters do and moved him to third with a groundout. Ibanez then popped out and Sexson got out. Awesome.

A similar pattern came up in the bottom of the sixth except this time Jose Lopez and Ichiro led things off with back-to-back singles. Vidro, in very mediocre fashion, moved them along to second and third. They intentionally walked Ibanez (very smart) to get to Sexson who proceeded to ground out. And his ground out forced Lopez out at home. Not even a RBI groundout. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

This type of pattern continued throughout the next few games. In fact in the four losses, the leadoff batter reached base thirteen times. He scored only three times out of the thirteen opportunities and that includes a leadoff homerun by Broussard. Follow the next batter after him in that inning (a single by Beltre) and he was stranded! Out of those twelve times the runner advanced to third with less than two outs three times and only scored once on a RBI groundout. Even more ridiculous – Ichiro led off getting on base six of the thirteen. Thus the heart of the lineup had a chance to drive in a man who advanced to second on steals three of those times. Nope. Just stranded him.

The Mariners hit fine when there isn’t any pressure. The team average stands at .269 (7th in the American League) and even .277 with runners on base (3rd in the AL). Now give them a little pressure. The M’s hit .250 with runners in scoring position (9th in AL) and .244 with runners in scoring position and two outs (9th).

Sexson doesn’t have a sacrifice fly this year and is a horrid 2-10 with runners on third and less than two outs. Ibanez does have two sac flys and hits 4 for 10 in the same situation. Compare those two to their AL West contenders and you see that Sexson is the one really struggling. Vladimir Guerrero has two sac flys and is 5 for 12. Garrett Anderson is 1-4 with two sac flys, while Gary Matthews (recent #4 hitter) is 1 for 6 but hit four sacrifice flys. Eric Chavez struggles at 2 for 10 while Mike Piazza hits 3 for 8 and Dan Johnson is 1 for 2. Chavez has a sac fly and Johnson has two.


The difference isn’t monumental, but it all starts with the fact that they can’t get enough people on base. Look at how they stack up compared to the teams in the American League with winning records.

Red Sox #1 .361 OBP, #6 393 ABs w/ run. in sco. pos., #2 .298 w/ run. in sco. pos.

Indians #2 .353, #7 392 ABs, #5 .276
Tigers #4 .338, #10 378 ABs, #1 .302
Angels #10 .326, #4 405 ABs, #4 .277
Oakland #5 .336, #9 384 ABs, #12 .234
White Sox #14 .305, #14 286 ABs, #13 .234
Mariners #12 .320, #13 328 ABs, #9 .250

As you can see, the Mariners don’t get on base thus there are less chances to drive in runners. When the players do get the chance, they don’t do very well. Not only does the team rank low in average with runners in scoring position, they rank last in the league in sacrifice flys with only six. The M’s only have one sacrifice hit all year also. Aside from Ichiro (12 steals) and Beltre (five steals), they can’t manufacture runs as they stand 11th in the league with 21 total steals. Last in walks by 27 with 89 total on the season.

Now the Angels and White Sox don’t necessarily get on base any better than the Mariners. And the White Sox and A’s don’t drive people in very well either. So what makes them both slightly better than the Mariners? Pitching.

Contending teams do not roll out a #3 starter with an ERA at 6.15 (Miguel Batista), a #4 starter at 6.10 (Horacio Ramirez) and a #5 at 5.16 (Cha Seung Baek). That doesn’t even include Jeff “I Hate You” Weaver. In fact of the winning AL teams, only four #3-#5 starters have ERAs over 5.00 (Julian Tavarez 5.59, Jeremy Sowers 7.13, Ervin Santana 5.06, and Dallas Braden 6.41) and no team has two. The Red Sox and Indians can compete with one bad starter due to their potent offenses. So really the A’s and Angels have one out of every five games where they need to hit better to compete. The Mariners need to do this three out of every five!

Look even closer at the stats and you will see a discrepancy.

Red Sox #3 3.44 ERA, #2 1.25 WHIP, #1 2.42 K/BB
Indians #9 4.39, #6 1.33, #2 2.38
Tigers #7 4.37, #10 1.43, #10 1.69
Angels #2 3.44, #4 1.29, #4 2.31
Oakland #1 3.25, #1 1.20, #3 2.36
White Sox #5 4.12, #3 1.27, #7 1.96
Mariners #12 4.82, #11 1.46, #11 1.67

The six teams with winning records all hold spots in the top ten in team ERA, WHIP and K/BB. They don’t put guys on base, can get strikeouts when they need them, and thus don’t give up many runs. Specifically the teams that struggle offensively like Oakland, Los Angeles, and Chicago are spectacular on the mound. Thus they can overcome the deficiencies in the lineup. The Mariners cannot. They rank in the bottom four in all three of these pitching categories. Taking out Jeff Weaver’s stats vaults them to #6 in ERA at 4.16, but as you saw earlier they still have three guys who don’t give them a fighting chance every time out. Maybe every other time, but not every time.

So the hope is growing dimmer, but the light may be the schedule. After playing Cleveland today, the Mariners head to Tampa Bay and Kansas City. If they can win five out of those six, they will be ok heading into a big three games series in L.A. Yet no matter who they play, it is obvious that they need to get better at a couple things.

We can’t expect them to get on base more necessarily (and unfortunately) due the style of hitters in the lineup. We can hope they drive in runs more consistently especially with less than two outs. In addition, Batista, Ramirez, and Baek will need to drop ERAs into the 4.00s in order to compete. If they can do that, my mood will get a whole lot better.

Sonics Lottery

I played the NBA draft lottery game on ESPN.com today as the real lottery plays out tomorrow night.

In the ten times I spun the internet wheel, the Sonics landed the #1 overall one time and the #2 overall one time. They took Greg Oden #1 (sweet baby Jesus, that would be nice) and Kevin Durant when they landed #2 (bye bye Rashard).

All the other times they landed between #3 and #7. Each time Chad Ford had them taking Yi Jianlian, the Chinese seven foot dude.

Two things. Number one - I hate you Chad Ford. Number two - if this actually happened I will become a Blazers fan one year early.

Safeco Love

Let me open by saying this plainly and simply. I don't like Safeco Field.

The actual stadium and field is fantastic, it is the surrounding environment that drives me insane. The Mariners are a fan-friendly franchise, priding themselves on the wholesome family environment. This is why "Yankees Suck" t-shirts are banned from the park. This is why section 106 is a family section with no alcohol allowed. Hydroplane races on the big screen. Hat trick. The Mariner Moose. Dancing grounds crews. All family fun.

And I hate it.

I want booing. I want angry, upset fans who curse at Milton Bradley. I want stadium graphics that encourage lunacy, not recycling (did I forget to mention Captain Planet who encourages you to pick up and recycle your empty bottles?). Give me hate, give me anger. Give me something.

Saturday night I found something. It may be a small start, but I will take it. The Mariners have a new monthly promotion called "College Night" and it is genius.

I walked into the stadium and saw 35,000 people at a Padres game and couldn't understand what the hell was going on. Then I kept seeing hot college-aged girls at the game and I became even more befuddled. It took me until the 5th inning to remember the promotion. $7 tickets for college students and they all get wasted at the game. The crowd showed up and actually booed the right people and cheered without prompting from the screen. I felt inspired.

Add onto this the fact that people vehemently booed Richie Sexson the night before after his third strikeout and I felt hope.

Maybe there are some real baseball fans here. Maybe Safeco won't always make me want to stab myself with a rusty screwdriver.

I actually like it when the M's hit a homer and they call it a "Funk Blast" and play "We Got the Funk" by George Clinton. I don't know why I like it, but it works for me. I liked the AM/PM promotion when some guy won 106 bags of cornnuts and the Moose poured them all over him. And I really liked the ninth inning.

As J.J. Putz strolled to the mound, he had closer music. YES! Glorious closer music. Thunder! Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah. Thunder! For the first time that I can remember, our closer has closer music. AC/DC. Awesome.

Now if only they would stop playing Willie Fing Bloomquist every time I go to a game, we might have something here.

Selfish Athletes: The Real Issue

Barry Bonds is selfish. T.O. only cares about himself. Ron Artest would rather make a rap album than play basketball.

People read these statements over and over in the nation’s newspapers and websites and view it on television in what seems like a non-stop loop (especially on SportsCenter). Reporters set up camp at Terrell Owens’ house. Pedro Gomez follows Bonds around looking for stories. It is difficult to go anywhere and not read about the selfish attitudes of today’s athlete. Check that, today’s black athlete.

Did you see a two week long SportsCenter special about how selfish Roger Clemens acted in signing with the Yankees? No. The story remained how great of a pitcher he is and if he will really help the Yankees on the field. In fact, the first time I saw the issue addressed was today on ESPN’s Page 2 in an article written by Scoop Jackson. Of course Scoop is a black writer. It would be too much to ask a white writer to address this issue. It is complete crap.

Another article written on ESPN today notes how Brett Favre is selfish. Again very true. Again written by a black writer, Jemele Hill. Why does it take a black writer to call out the selfish white athlete? In a profession absolutely dominated by white men, no one can see this discrepancy? In fact, look at how many writers and editors are white. From the University of Central Florida:

“For nearly two decades, sportswriters and columnists have reported on Richard Lapchick’s studies examining racial and gender diversity in professional and college sports.

Now the director of the University of Central Florida’s Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sport has turned his attention to racial and gender diversity among newspaper sports editors and staffs. The results show that editors, columnists and other newspaper sports employees are overwhelmingly white and male.

The inaugural Racial and Gender Report Card of the Associated Press Sports Editors, which was released Thursday, reviewed the staffs of more than 300 newspapers that are Associated Press members. More than 5,100 newspaper employees, including reporters, copy editors, page designers and clerks, were reviewed for the study.

Lapchick’s study concluded that 95 percent of sports editors, 90 percent of sports columnists and 87 percent of assistant sports editors and reporters were white. Also, 95 percent of sports editors, 93 percent of columnists, 90 percent of reporters and 87 percent of assistant sports editors were men”.

Yet we continue to get stories about Barry Bonds, Kobe Bryant, Gary Sheffield, Terrell Owens, Manny Ramirez, Alex Rodriguez, and Ron Artest being selfish overpaid athletes. No one writes about Clemens or Curt Schilling. No one dares touch the immortal Brett Favre.

In a search for articles about Clemens being selfish, four came up within the first few pages of a google search. Three of the four were written by black writers (Scoop Jackson, Steven A. Smith and David Steele of the Baltimore Sun). The only white writer came from the hometown of New York (thank you Wallace Matthews). When the same method was used for Brett Favre, more hits came up for blogs about how Brett Favre isn’t selfish despite claims from the media (addressing Michael Smith on ESPN, a black man).

Does this mean that Bonds and T.O. aren’t selfish? Not in the least. They continue to provide material that proves otherwise. But is Brett Favre’s decision to not decide whether to retire or not each year any less selfish than T.O.? Or his call out of Javon Walker for sitting out for more money? Or when Mike McKenzie did the same? When T.O. complains, he is selfish. When Favre does it, he is a leader and wants to win.

Some articles touch on Clemens just doing what he can get away with and working the system. They blame Major League Baseball. They blame the Yankees like Mike Vaccaro did in the New York Post. Fine, but let’s blame the Cowboys then instead of Owens. Let’s blame the Kings instead of Artest. Let’s blame the Red Sox instead of Manny.

Until the predominantly white media starts writing the same articles and filming the same pieces about white players as they do black players, the “selfish” athlete is a mere fallacy.

Baseball Notes

To quote the brilliant Jay-Z, "Sure I do, I tell you the difference between me and them/They tryin to get they ones, I'm tryin to get them M's".

See, Jay-Z loves the Mariners. And if he loves the M's, he must love their prospects.

Here is the latest update on the top 10 prospects:

1. Carlos Triunfel, SS (A) - .282, 0 HR, 11 RBI (.473 last five games)
2. Adam Jones, OF (AAA) - .306, 4 HR, 19 RBI, 20 R (.317, 3 HR, 10 RBI last 10 games)
3. Jeff Clement, C (AAA) - .223, 4 HR, 19 RBI (.297, 2 HR in last 10 games)
4. Ryan Feierabend, LHP (AAA) – 1-2, 3.38 ERA, 37 1/3 IP, 29 K (no more than 3 ER in any start)
5. Tony Butler, LHP (A) – 0-2, 3.79 ERA, 19 IP, 21 K
6. Alex Liddi, 3B (A) - .222, 2 HR, 11 RBI (.322 in last 10 games)
7. Chris Tillman, RHP (A) – 1-2, 4.76 ERA, 22 2/3 IP, 27 K (only gone 1 IP in last two starts)
8. Matt Tuiasosopo, 3B (AA) - .341, 1 HR, 14 RBI, 27 R
9. Greg Halman, OF (A) - .209, 2 HR, 12 RBI
10. Wladimir Balentien OF (AAA) - .317, 9 HR, 28 RBI, 23 R (.171 in last 10 games)

• After my praise of Balentein to the point that I was ready for him to replace Guillen, both have changed course. Wlad is hitting only .226 in May while Guillen has become one of the best players for the M's. He is hitting .286 with 4 homers and 16 RBI. Guillen leads the team in OBP and is second in OPS.
• How about the Giants farm system? On the old website I used to rank four teams with their top prospects (A's for Dave, Giants for Joe, Red Sox for Justin). While Travis Buck is raking for the A's and Dustin Pedroia is starting at 2B for the Sox, the Giants win the prize. Outfielder Fred Lewis hit for the cycle yesterday and OF Dan Ortmeier and IF Kevin Frandsen are also playing. Not to mention Tim Lincecum.
• Did you know Barry Bonds would be the NL MVP right now? He might even be more absurb than A-Rod.

Rodriguez .329, 15 HR, 39 RBI, 35 R, 9 2B, 14 BB, 31 K, .407 OBP, .714 SLG, 1.122 OPS in 140 AB

Bonds .307, 11 HR, 23 RBI, 25 R, 37 BB, 14 K, .512 OBP, .727 SLG, 1.239 OPS in 88 AB

88 ABs! Look at the walks versus strikeouts with only four less homers. Sign me up for those roids.

• The Brewers are awesome thus far thanks in large part to the duo of J.J. Hardy and Prince Fielder. You had to think Prince would be a slugger due to the pedigree, but Hardy? I didn't think he could have 11 homers and 34 RBI at this point. Couple that with Fielder's 11 home runs and 31 RBI. Wow.
• Jake Peavy? Nasty. 5-1, 1.52 ERA, 17 BB, 66 K in 53 1/3 innings. Batters are slapping the ball around for a .173 average against him. And he is getting better. Over his last four starts in 28 innings, Peavy has allowed only 12 hits and four runs with striking out 46. Disgusting.
• Francisco Cordero apparently is good as well. Really good. In 18 games Cordero has thrown 16 2/3 innings and allowed only four hits and one run. Hitters own a .077 average against him and his WHIP is 0.66 with 15 saves. He projects out to 64 saves (breaking Bobby Thigpen's record of 57). The projection does not indicate that his arm will fall off, but I am pretty sure that is a safe bet.
• Jose Valverde, Takashi Saito, and Salomon Torres. Those are the next three save leaders in the N.L. after Cordero. Huh?
• I love Jose Reyes. I wish he was a Mariner. And if Bonds isn't MVP, then Reyes wins. Fifth in hitting at .340, while leading the league in triples (7), stolen bases (21), and runs scored (33). He also has 23 RBI (good for 17th).
• Speaking of people I love....Ken Griffey Jr. Hitting .336 (5th) with 7 homers and 23 RBI. Awesome.
• The Mariners are 12th in ERA in the American League at 4.91. Take out Jeff Weaver and they vault to 6th at 4.13. I hate you Jeff Weaver.
• They stand 7th in the A.L. in batting average at .264 but apparently dominate at night. The M's are first in the league in night batting average at .290, but last in day average at .220. The freaks come out at night!
• Last in walks (77, not even close), but also last in strikeouts which gives them an OBP of .316 (11th in the league). But they seem to hit when it matters. The M's are 5th in batting with runners in scoring position (.262), 6th with two outs and runners in scoring position (.266), and 1st when close and late (.301).
• Wonder how the A's win with all the injuries and subpar hitting? Dan Haren, Chad Guadin, and Joe Blanton all in the top 16 in ERA. And they hit .296 (best in the A.L.) with runners in scoring position and two outs.
• The A's success seems to be in no part due to the legendary Chris Snelling. He came down with a bruised left knee and is out day-to-day. As Mariners fans know, that means done for the year soon enough. Snelling suffered a broken hand in 2000, a broken ankle in 2001, ACL surgeries in 2002 and 2005, a broken wrist, and a broken thumb. Oh and five additional surgeries on the left knee for seven total. The same knee that is hurting him now.
• But with Snelling down, Jack Cust gets to play! The newest addition to my second place fantasy baseball team, Cust es en fuego. Hitting .346 with six homers and 14 RBI in only seven games! Ridiculous. Although not entirely surprising as he hit 30 homers for the Beavers last year and 19 with 75 RBI the year before for Sacramento. His 191 minor league home runs get him compared to Crash Davis of "Bull Durham". Not even close. Hector Espino gets that title as he leads all career minor leaguers with 484 homers.

First Game of the Year

Saturday marked a historic event, well maybe not historic, more like important (actually not really that important either). I attended my first Mariner game of the season. This actually might be a record for me as the latest I ever went to my first game. As witness to three of the past five opening days and owner of quite a few 16 game ticket packages, I can safely say this is one of the latest beginnings for me.

Side note: I estimated the other day that I have attended 314 Mariner games in my life. Awesome.

Needless to say I was was ready to go. My father and I parked the car and walked the short distance to the home plate entrance. We grabbed some hot dogs with cream cheese from the cart on the street (if you haven't tried it, you are a loser) and enjoyed them thoroughly while walking through the turnstiles. It took us a little while as the guy before us was told to finish his drink before entering. He quickly started chugging.

I always thought it was funny to see how people react to these situations. When they can't bring a drink in, people either:

a. chug it
b. take a sip and then throw the rest out
c. complain and then throw it away

Why not just step aside and finish it in peace? Why panic? Is that Miguel Batista first pitch really that exciting? (It really wasn't, nor was the 2nd through 57th either).

We take our seats in right field close to Bobby Abreu and the crazy Jose Guillen. I notice that Abreu looks awkward in a baseball uniform. It looks like he is an imposter. He stands with bent over with his left leg forward like he is stretching all the time. And who wears #53? I decide that Bobby Abreu is a loser.

Meanwhile Batista decides that with Jeff Weaver being put on the D.L. someone needs to suck and he is the man for the job. 2 and 1/3 innings later he accomplished the feat as the Yankees lead 7-0. Later Raul Ibanez cranks a two run triple off the centerfield wall to cut into the lead. Johnny Damon looked like a complete idiot on the play and then threw the ball like a girl to the second baseman. My dad tells me how much he likes Johnny Damon. Fair enough.

Later we learn that Jose Lopez's favorite websites are www.mariners.com and www.google.com. I am confused. My dad says it is because they can't really write his favorite websites on the big screen. They aren't appropriate. I believe that someone just wrote down two answers for him. Does anyone really believe those are his favorites? Like he goes to mariners.com to check out stuff that he already knows? Or does he just stare at his stats all day? And google? How can that be a favorite website?

I can just imagine him thinking, "I love google! You can look up anything!"

This reminds me. Has anyone seen the Lopez/Betancourt commercial? It is awesome. They do everything together in the ad including riding a tandem bike and playing Connect Four. I love it.

http://seattle.mariners.mlb.com/sea/fan_forum/commercials_2007.jsp

So the game goes on and the Mariners still aren't hitting Matt DeSalvo. I blame it on Willie Bloomquist. Why would he ever be playing? I started saying how much I hate him and my dad calls me out. He says, "I thought you could only hate one guy and it was Jeff Weaver no matter what". That made me even more mad. I hate Willie Bloomquist. But I can't apparently. So I have to strongly dislike Willie Bloomquist instead which makes me hate him even more. Damn my own rules! Damn them!

During the late innings, there is a giveaway from AM/PM. I get excited as I used to frequent the AM/PM on 85th and Aurora. The guy won in section 246. I am sad. Then they say what he won. 106 bags on cornnuts. Solid. The Moose starts pouring the cornnuts on him. I laugh.

Eighth inning and no scoring lately. Bloopers are on and I stand up to stretch. Guys fall over bases, fall into dugouts, get hit by pitches, crash into walls. The typical bloopers. Right when they end, the old lady next to us (and I mean old, she must have been 117) asks me to sit down so she can see. I say, "Sucker! The bloopers are over you old lady".

Actually I just sat down.

After two Bud Lights, some garlic fries, and a failed attempt at chocolate covered strawberrys (straight cash homie only!), the game ends and we head home. Nice to be back at Safeco, but not a great result. You have to love a place that caters to families and kids. And by love, I mean despise. No "Yankees Suck" t-shirts allowed, no one boos that much (unless it is A-Rod) and most people just root for the nice guys like Willie Fing Bloomquist. I stood up and booed Guillen when he booted a ball in the outfield and then doubled the horrible display by throwing a seven hopper to second base. And I think I was one of maybe four people booing.

So I spend most of the night each game sitting in silence stewing about how I hate the people around me. My father excluded. He paid for the garlic fries.

Pretty Please

The ussmariner site is reporting that a roster move will happen today. Oh pretty please be the release of Jeff Weaver.

I HATE YOU JEFF WEAVER.

Best and the Worst

My hatred of Jeff Weaver and my research into his stats made me think about his place in history. Is Jeff Weaver the worst starting pitcher in Mariners history? I say yes, but it is awful close. Here are the ten worst seasons by a M’s starting pitcher:

10. Erik Hanson (1992) 8-17, 4.82 ERA
9. James Baldwin (2002) 7-10, 5.28 ERA
8. Salomon Torres (1993) 8-17, 4.82 ERA
7. Joel Pineiro (2006) 8-13, 6.36 ERA
6. Odell Jones (1979) 3-11, 6.07 ERA
5. Dick Pole (1978) 4-11, 6.48 ERA
4. Milt Wilcox (1985) 0-8, 5.50 ERA
3. Jeff Fassero (1999) 4-14, 7.38 ERA
2. Mike Parrott (1980) 1-16, 7.28 ERA
1. Jeff Weaver (2007) 0-6, 14.32 ERA

Notes: Weaver’s ERA puts him over the top. Mike Parrott actually went 14-12 with a 3.77 ERA the year before. I started actively becoming a fan in 1987 so I suffered through six of these seasons.

Anytime you look at the worst, you have to look at the best. Or at least I do so I don’t run my head into a brick wall.

10. Erik Hanson (1990) 18-9, 3.24 ERA, 236 IP, 211 K’s
9. Mike Moore (1985) 17-10, 3.46 ERA, 247 IP, 155 K’s
8. Mark Langston (1987) 19-13, 3.84 ERA, 272 IP, 262 K’s
7. Jamie Moyer (2001) 20-6, 3.43 ERA
6. Jamie Moyer (2003) 21-7, 3.27 ERA, 215 IP
5. Mark Langston (1984) 17-10, 3.40 ERA, 225 IP, 204 K’s
4. Randy Johnson (1994) 13-6, 3.19 ERA, 9 CG, 4 SHO, 172 IP, 204 K’s
3. Randy Johnson (1993) 19-8, 3.24 ERA, 10 CG, 3 SHO, 255 1/3 IP, 308 K’s
2. Randy Johnson (1997) 20-4, 2.28 ERA, 5 CG, 2 SHO, 213 IP, 294 K’s
1. Randy Johnson (1995) 18-2, 2.48 ERA, 6 CG, 3 SHO, 214 1/3 IP, 294 K’s

Notes: Randy Johnson was absurd. Clearly there are only three good pitchers in M’s history and they are all left handed. Good job Erik Hanson for making both lists. 1994 was the strike year.

I Hate You Jeff Weaver

Hate is a very strong word. But does it fit when describing my feelings toward Jeff Weaver? Here is dictionary.com's definition of the word:

1. to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest

Wow, that seems about right. I am pretty passionate about my hostility and extreme aversion toward his whole existence. The Mariners gave him six starts in which he went 0-6 with 14.32 ERA. Are you serious?

Six starts, six losses. Six days in which I want to eat my own arm. Actually the first couple starts I watched, but due to other conflicts and no TV coverage, I haven't seen him pitch since the Royals game. And why would I? It is the closest thing to a guaranteed loss.

The biggest issue is that the Mariners are not that bad at 15-15, only 1.5 games out of first. Now imagine if someone else was in his spot, they would have won at least one of the games, probably two. They would be 17-13 and in first place. They are 15-9 without Weaver.

So I hate him. I hate him so much. And it is at a new level. You see, every year I pick one Mariner that I will hate for the entire year. It started out because I usually just didn't want one guy to play mostly due to his sucky nature. I went through Raul Ibanez (the first time in Seattle), Ruben Sierra, Joel Pineiro, and now Jeff Weaver. Even with the expected announcement that he will be in the bullpen or cut, I will still hate him. I will not hate another Mariner this year. I will hate him for the whole year whether he is here or not.

Do you know that ESPN projects his season to end with this stat line?

0-25, 14.32 ERA, 91 innings pitched, 208 hits, 145 runs

Awesome.

He doesn't even qualify for the ERA title because you have to pitch one inning for every game that your team played thus far. With the Mariners, he would have to throw 30 innings which is five innings per start. He has thrown 22 1/3 innings. That is disgusting. In fact, he has never had a lead all year.

@ Boston - 4 runs in the 1st, 3 in the 2nd
Minnesota - 2 in the 1st
@ Angels - 2 in 2nd, 1 in 3rd
KC - 6 in 1/3 of an inning
@ NY - 1 in 3rd
@ Detroit - 3 in the 1st, 1 in 2nd

Lefties hit .462 off him. Righties hit. 471. When he is behind in the count 2-0, hitters rack up a .875 average against him. Ahead 0-2? .429 off Weaver. No runners on? .467 average. Scoring position? .439. Scoring position with two outs? .400. Pitches 1-15 in the game? .571. Pitches 46-60? .357.

He is the worst Mariner ever. I literally will go insane if he starts another game. I can't stand it anymore. Nothing good comes from him except something we discovered last weekend. While on the ferry in Canada, we noticed that Jeff Weaver had sucked again. And Katie, Chris, Dana and I weren't too happy. Katie said, "Jeff Weaver, you ruin my world." Then we came up with an idea.

Anytime something bad happens, blame Jeff Weaver. The pipe that broke underneath the University Bridge recently. Jeff Weaver was aiming for the bridge and hit a pipe instead. Stupid Jeff Weaver. You get a ticket. Weaver made you speed. You get a cavity. Weaver fed you donuts. Everything is Jeff Weaver's fault. Feel free to use it in your every day life and pray, oh please let's all pray, that he doesn't make another start.

The Big Game(s)

While most of America watched another exciting game between the Warriors and Jazz, I had a bigger game to be a part of last night. Actually, I should say games. Oh yeah! Double header night in men's rec league.

I entered the night, for those of you who don't remember, with averages of 3.0 points/game, 7.0 rpg, 4.0 apg, and forgot to mention last week 3.0 steals per game. No joke. If you are playing rotissiere style scoring, I notched 31 fantasy points for you.

With Steve Nash putting up 16 assists on Tuesday night, I had a more attainable goal to reach than the previous week's 27. Not to mention that our roster had a shake up. Apparently Kobe 1 thought we didn't screen enough or something because he is no longer on the roster. Good, I didn't want to have to shoot someone or even worse, play the off guard position. I am a primary... and you know this.

I grabbed a Red Bull on the way as I was napping right before I left. I walk into the gym and look around and there he was....Kobe 2. I sat on the other side.

Watching the game before us made me want to stab myself, so I didn't mind too much when Kobe 2 came to sit next to me. He asked me how my week went. I told him to "f off". So he started stretching. (Editor's note: I didn't really tell him to 'f off', I actually said, 'great, how was yours?' and grinned like an idiot). Kobe 2 then did some jumping jacks. I am thinking to myself, "Kobe wouldn't be doing this, he would be scanning for chicks or at least ignoring Rony Turiaf."

Matt Airy walks in with an air of confidence. I quickly shoot it down with my hot handles as I do ball handling drills. The ref tells me to hold the ball. I tell him to hold his balls. (Editor's note: I didn't, I just stopped). I then proceeded to turn sharply and bang my knee against a folding chair. It hurts. I am off to a great start.

I use warm up time to find my rhythm. I soon find I have none, but I do learn to avoid the right corner as the sun is coming through the window and shoots sun bullets into your eyeballs.

The ball is tipped and we sort of win it. The other team steps out of bounds. Crunk City isn't ready for this. Oh did I forget to mention that we played a team called Crunk City? Well we did. And let me say this, they were bigger tools than we were which is saying a lot.

I am looking to distribute early on which is a good idea because Airy is on fire. He starts draining threes like Adam and Dave drop shots of Bud Light (oh wait, how did that Century Club go anyway?). Crunk City hangs close for awhile thanks to my three attempt that went over the rim and slammed hard off the backboard plus my ill-advised alley-oop pass through the zone that went right into the defender's hands. But soon enough we start to pull away. I am racking up assists and a few steals, but all my three attempts are off. And the Red Bull chemicals are causing me some acid reflux.

Despite my lack of skill, I make a momentum changing play. With Baron Davis' retarded white older brother barrelling down the lane, I hold my ground. Charge called. Game changed. Nuts sore. I sub myself out.

We go on to win 61-50 and I go scoreless. Exhausted, ashamed, and nauseated, I bench myself for the beginning of Game 2. I stretch and take a few warm up shots. Drained. Swish. Oh wait, what just happened? I feel better, but with the lack of regular breaths I decide to remain with my plan to be a spark plug off the bench.

Early on Steve's Tavern stays close with us. They have some size and decent guards. Then it starts to turn with a great early substitution. Me.

I hit Airy for a three. Then I confidently sink a triple. Then another. And the assists keep racking up. We are straight smoking them. The Frank Brickowski/Bill Wennington dude can't keep them in the game. Nor can Patrick Femerling's cousin who I can guard on the block despite the fact that he stands at least 6'7.

We hold a halftime lead of 16 or 17. But with the second half starting, Airy, myself, and Tim (a dominant big man) start on the bench. Bad move. Steve's Tavern cuts it to 10. Time to sub myself in. We go on a run as I hit Airy for threes again. Steals are coming to me like the salmon of Capistrano. I pester the other time with my defense. I score a lay in on a 3 on 2 break. This game is a joke. I feel quite Nashsty at this point. The Santa Clara socks are working.

With the game in hand, I realize how much we all enjoy playing with each other. The new guy who I call Akon (can't remember his name, but it is like Akon except he is of Middle Eastern decent) racked up like 17 steals in the second game. Kobe 2 played more like McGrady, shooting some wild shots but making a ton. Airy looks awful, but scored like 89 points in the two games. Butler and Tim provide the solid rebounding and inside scoring. Mike, the guy who sucks but everyone likes, turned his ankle. (Editor's note: I am pretty sure he actually broke his leg a.k.a. Joe Theismann). The other guy who sucks, Harry, hustled all night and made some crazy good plays. We are the Phoenix Suns of the league.

With the twenty point win, we move to 3-0 in the league. Also, we are 2-1 now against the spread and yes they do actually set point spreads. I poured in eight points in the second game to go with three boards, eight assists, and five steals. (Editor's note: some of these are guesstimates as it is too hard to remember everything when you are trying to stay alive).

Game 1 line: 0 points (0-3 from 3), four rebounds, six assists, two steals

Game 2 line: 8 points, (2-2 from 3, 1-3 from 2), three boards, eight assists, five steals

Averages for season: 3.7 ppg, 4.7 rpg, 6.0 apg, 3.3 spg, 40% from the field, 42.8% from 3

Essentially I am the rec league version of Steve Nash. (Editor's note: more like Earl Watson and I hate Earl Watson).