Ichiro, Cheeseburgers, Jason Kendall, and no arms

I've wanted to write about the Mariners for days now. Yes, there are other things going on in sports such as the NBA Finals (seriously, can anyone really watch it?) and the French Open (capri pants boy is another story), but when your hometown team plays well it is hard to pay attention to anything else.

But I waited for a loss. I waited for something to make me mad. I didn't want to jinx it. And maybe this will jinx it, but I can't hold it in anymore.

34-26. The Seattle Mariners. One game out of the wild card. Four games out of first. In June no less!

It is one thing to beat up Texas and Baltimore, but going into San Diego for a sweep and following it up with a crazy 8-7 win over Cleveland is something else. The M's won 8 of their past 9 games thanks in part to Jose Lopez, Raul Ibanez, Ichiro, and JJ Putz and a team that simply will not quit.

In six of the eight wins, the Mariners trailed or tied their opponents in the seventh inning or later and went on to win. With Seattle down 4-3 in the 8th against Baltimore, Betancourt (yes! I love you!) singled home the tying run and Ichiro doubled home the winning run right after that. Ichiro followed those heroics by doubling home the winning run the next night as the M's came back from a 5-1 deficit in the 7th inning.

San Diego brought new challenges with their stellar relief corps, but it didn't matter much to Seattle as Ibanez homered in the 11th to win game one of the series. This marked Raaaauuuuuuul's second home run of the season which means that he either is old, hurt, or needing steroids again. More on this later.

The M's continued their disregard for the apparent strength of the Fathers with a furious comeback in game two. Ichiro (seriously, walk him) knocked in two runs and Lopez knocked in a run with a single in the 7th to cut the lead to 5-4. The eight brought in Scott Linebrink and his 1.88 ERA. Well Richie Sexson took a big fat crap on that ERA with a solo home run to tie the score. Lopez decided to remain productive with a RBI single in the ninth despite his propensity to eat cheeseburgers between innings (not sure if true, but his chubiness leads to the conclusion).

By the way, Jeff Weaver started this game and actually retired 11 batters in a row at some point. Once this happened I thought three potential outcomes to the universe:

1. We all die by either astroid or e coli outbreak

2. Weaver switched uniforms with his brother Jered

3. The Fathers felt really bad for Jeff so they starting sucking more than usual

I think three is the most likely as I and you are still alive. Anyway game three provided more heroics as the M's trailed 3-1 in the 7th. Except stupid relief pitcher hit Ben Broussard with a 0-2 pitch and runners on second and third. Now the bases were loaded and that silly Ichiro came to the plate. Hmmm, wonder what happens? Two RBI single of course as he thinks of his next hilarious quote. (In case you missed this gem, apparently Ichiro was not excited to go to Cleveland).

"To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to," Ichiro said through an interpreter. "If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying." (Seattle P-I)

The ninth inning belonged to one Willie Bloomquist as he grounded to third but beat it out for a single. Then after being bunted over, stole third base and scored on a Lopez (cheeseburger, cheeseburger!) RBI groundout. See that is perfect for Jose. You drive in the run, but still have time to go eat a delicious cheeseburger instead of a stupid single where you have to run the bases.

Putz closed out all three games as he continues to dominate. He might be the best closer in baseball with a 1.23 ERA, 0.58 WHIP, and 18 saves in 18 chances while walking only five and striking out 31 in 29 1/3 innings pitched. Automatic.

Now with wins coming out of their ears, the M's head to Cleveland in a classic one game series made up for a snowout game in April in which Mike Hargrove successfully convinced the umpires to call the game despite Paul Byrd throwing a no-hitter and having two outs and being one strike away in the fifth inning. See, a classic.

Apparently Raul found a new pack of syringes as he homered twice early and the M's built a 7-0 lead. I should note here that Ibanez states that he had an injured shoulder this season and it recently returned to 100% health on May 29. Since that date, Raul is hitting .345 with three of his four home runs this season. The only issue is that he also received a package with a return address of "Bonds, B." on it also on May 29.

Anyway the Mariners decided that they were bored or scared of the multitude of seagulls engulfing the field last night so they blew it and the Indians came back to tie the game 7-7 in the 8th. Raul drank a protein shake and came through with a RBI double in the ninth inning and Willie Bloomquist scored.

This brings me to my next point. I hate both Jeff Weaver and Willie Bloomquist. Yet how do you hate people that actually produce? Granted Weaver only did this for four innings before leaving the game due to back pain thus still remaining among the hated. But Bloomquist actually provides value as he hit .409 during this stretch of games and helped win at least two of them with big games. Man hating people is hard work!

On to people I don't hate like Ichiro. He now stands first in hits (82), fifth in runs (48), third in steals (17), and fourth in hitting (.337) in the American League. But more impressively are his clutch numbers.

.378 with runners on

.421 with runners in scoring position

.429 with runner on third and less than two outs

.625 with the bases loaded

.412 with men on and two outs

.429 with runners in scoring position and two outs

.379 close and late

Ridiculous. Hey, just for fun let's compare this to Jason Kendall of the Athletics.

.229 with runners on
.204 with runners in scoring position
.200 with runner on third and less than two outs
.333 with the bases loaded
.235 with men on and two outs
.190 with runners in scoring position and two outs
.163 close and late

That was fun. Look John Lackey is doing what all A's fans would like to do.

The M's still face an uphill battle as the A's (3.11 ERA #1 in AL) and Angels (3.85 ERA #3 in AL) dominate on the mound. And Seattle does not dominate on the mound, at least in terms of their starters. Felix isn't so ace-like right now with a 3-3 record and 4.41 ERA. Washburn rolls out a 5-5 mark with a 3.94 ERA, but has been awful the past two starts. Batista spends more time writing poetry than pitching effectively hence the 5.48 ERA (despite a 7-4 record including a win pitching one inning of relief at San Diego). Baek used to be sort of good, but a 5.22 ERA evokes images of Jae Seo. We know about Weaver.

In fact the starters made it through seven innings only once in this nine game stretch of dominance and that was Ryan Feierabend who is now back in Tacoma. Thus the bullpen has been stretched and stretched again like Mel Gibson in the end of "Braveheart". FREEDOM!

Henceforth three relievers are now on the DL (Sean White, Jon Huber, and Chris Reitsma) and Putz couldn't work yesterday. With Jake Woods and Jason Davis effectively sucking at their jobs, this leaves Eric O'Flaherty, Brandon Morrow, JJ, Sean Green, and George Sherrill to dominate. But if the starters can't give them some rest, all of their arms will fall off. And as you may know, pitching becomes increasingly more difficult when you don't have arms. Just look at Jim Abbott's career stats and he was only missing a hand.

Jim Abbott 87-108, 4.25 ERA. Now imagine what he could have done if he didn't have to spend all that time switching his glove around.

What's the point? The Mariners are on fire and competitive. But it won't last long if the starters don't step it up. Here's hoping Jarrod Washburn starts it today against the Cubbies.