Hawks and Vegas

My sister was in Vegas this past weekend. And that usually means texts from me to place a bet of some sort. This time it focused on the Seahawks. Vegas doesn’t believe they will win the NFC West. Vegas doesn’t really believe they can be a .500 team. Vegas is wrong my friends.

Note here: I said this many times in my life. Many times. Rarely have I been right. In fact, Vegas likes to punch me in the nuts and yell “Nice!” like Mike Tyson in the Hangover after I wonder to myself why?

Vegas puts the over/under on Seahawk wins this year at 8. I wanted 7.5 but sending my

sister to find that seemed unnecessary. So $50 went down on the over. (I wanted to bet $100 but lessened it after feeling pressure from the wife which really just shows how much I suck).

Why will the Hawks beat these Vegas odds? It starts with health. It continues with free agents and it ends with Aaron Curry.

I will detail all these things in the days to come and explain to you why the Hawks will win more than eight games.

Streaking M's

The Mariners are good. Somehow, someway they are good.

Six games over .500 after winning three out of four games, the M’s head to Detroit to play three games and they don’t face Justin Verlander or Edwin Jackson. Awesome.

Seattle won six out of the last eight games and sits only four games out of first place. The success is thanks to a few key players.

Felix Hernandez

10-3 with a 2.51 ERA (2^nd in the ERA) and 129 strikeouts (4^th in AL). His ten wins are

2^nd in the AL and over his past ten starts he is 6-0 with a 1.30 ERA. He is Cy Young worthy.

Jarrod Washburn

What happened here? He is 7-6 with a 2.87 ERA (5^th in the AL). His win-loss record is a reflection of run support rather than anything else. He has won three straight starts. Washburn has gone at least six innings in 16 out of 18 starts this year. That is insane. His July ERA is 1.82 in four starts.

Franklin Gutierrez

All of a sudden the best player ever (in my opinion) is the best player ever. Gutierrez is hitting .295 with 12 homers and 42 RBI. His OPS is .815 and his on base percentage is .355. Compare with the immortal Adam Jones (an All-Star by the way) who is hitting .305 with 13 homers and 50 RBI. His OPS is .841 and on base percentage is .359. Damn it we could have both of them. No! I won’t talk about that.

Frankie G is on fire right now. He hit .304 in June with four homers and 9 RBI. He is hitting .375 in July with 5 homers and 14 RBI. Not to mention his UZR of 14.3 which is #1 in the major leagues, meaning he is the best fielder in all of baseball.

Rob Johnson

I know, what? After Kenji Johjima essentially cemented himself on the bench with the mix of horrible pitch calling and passed balls, Rob Johnson earned himself some playing time again. Pitchers love him. And now everyone should. He is hitting .303 in July with six RBI. This is huge considering the lack of production from the line up in general, but specifically the bottom of the order.

Will this continue? For all four of these guys….probably not. Felix can do it and will win the Cy Young if he does. The other three seem unlikely. But who would have believed the M’s would be six games over at this point?

Enjoy it. Don’t debate if they can keep it up, just enjoy it.

Mariner All-Stars

The All-Star teams will be announced later today and there is a legitimate chance that the Mariners will have four players on the team. At 41-38, they may not deserve that many players, but that record certainly gets them in the debate.

It begins of course with Ichiro. He most likely will be voted in as a starter, but either way he will make the team. Ichiro leads the American League in hits, average, and multi-hit games. His .368 average is once again Ichiridiculous.

Felix Hernandez should also get a spot on the team this year as he is pitching like a bonafide ace. He is 8-3 with a 2.62 ERA and 114 strikeouts. Only Roy Halladay and Zach Grienke have more wins and a lower ERA. He stands currently at 4th in ERA and 3rd in strikeouts in the A.L. He has a 76% quality start percentage, good for 3rd in the league as well. His WHIP is 9th at 1.17. He went 3-0 in June with a 0.94 ERA so he is pitching better and better. It would be a shame if he is not selected.

The third and fourth selections will be difficult for the M’s. David Aardsma has been lights out as a closer for the Mariners (to the point that they actually kill the scoreboard lights and say lights out when he enters the game as I recently detailed in this excellent blog). He is 8th in the A.L. in saves with 16, but holds a 1.45 ERA and only one blown save. Additionally he was a set up man for the first month or so, grabbing six holds in the process. He hasn’t given up a run since May 31st going 11 perfect innings in June.

Lastly, Russell “The Muscle” Branyan deserves to be on the A.L. squad. It will very difficult for him to fit in though. The case for Branyan includes a .294 average to go along with his 20 home runs (2nd in the A.L.). He has the 3rd best OPS in the league and 43 RBI. Seems like All-Star numbers, but his competition will most likely prevent him from making the team. Justin Morneau (.311, 19, 65), Mark Teixera (.275, 20, 61), Carlos Pena (.236, 23, 55), Kevin Youkilis (.307, 14, 47), and Miguel Cabrera (..325, 16, 47) all can make a case to keep the Muscle off the team.

By the way, did you read that correctly at the beginning of this post that the Mariners are 41-38? C’mon. Awesome.

NBA, You Sly Fox

The NBA pisses me right off. I try to ignore. I try to avoid her. Yet she tantalizes me just enough to keep me paying attention to her. She sometimes does this with a Spaniard or sometimes with a 300 plus pound man who refers to himself as the Big Aristotle. Yes, the NBA kept me interested lately despite the fact that I only watch the playoffs now and they stole my friend Sonics and changed his name to Thunder (apparently he is a stripper now).

With this said, here are the stories that kept me intrigued and my thoughts on them.

1. Shaq to the Cavs
Anytime Shaq is involved it is hard to ignore the story. He might be the only professional athlete that actually likes the media (or at least tolerates them) as he provides jokes and jokes and jokes (thanks Dave Chapelle). He said he wants to win a ring for the King and said that his kids like LeBron more than him. Does he have enough? Maybe.

If the Cavs played LeBron’s natural style (think up tempo Suns under D’Antoni) then Shaq would hurt them. Fortunately the Cavs play pretty slow and Shaq will help especially in comparison to the all-of-a-sudden horrific Big Z, the crazy Brazilian, and anyone else they throw out there. Yet the Cavs will still struggle to win it all with guys like Delonte West surrouding LeBron. He needs a good shooter and a lock down defender to win it all.

2. VC and Richard Jefferson
Apparently the Nets don’t like to keep athletic 3 men. They prefer to watch Stanford twin centers run up and down the court looking like idiots. Jefferson went from the Bucks to the Spurs, which is good on paper, but not sure about it in reality. Losing Bruce Bowen seems like a big deal. How many teams do we see with too much offense and not enough defense? Maybe it doesn’t matter in the NBA. Same thing goes for Orlando, although I am not sure how much better Vince Carter is than Hedo Turkoglu. He certainly is better looking. Dear God Hedo is awkward to look at. Now Hedo will be frequenting the many gentlemen’s clubs in Toronto.

3. Ron Artest to the Lakers
Awesome. Ron Artest looked like he was going to stab Kobe in the playoffs. Now he gets to have bunk beds with him. They need to make this a reality show.

4. Ricky Rubio
Blake Griffin is awesome. I really was amazed by him last year in college and I think he will be pretty good in the pros. Yet I think Ricky Rubio will be the steal of the draft. I know a lot of people are saying this, but I loved watching Rubio in the Olympics. He was awesome and I think he will be great in the NBA. The only thing that will hold him back will be Minnesota. Who succeeds there really?

5. Patty Mills
I am convinced the steal of the draft is Patty Mills from St. Mary’s. I just don’t understand how he could be a second round pick. He tore up Davidson and Stephen Curry in the NIT. He plays a better point guard than Curry in my opinion and can get to the hoop better than the Cur. He isn’t as pure of a shooter obviously, but I think Portland should be very happy. And so should Mills really. Who does he have to beat out? Stephen Blake? Jerryd Bayless? He also thrived in the Olympics drawing the praise of Chris Paul in the process. Patty Mills will start in this league and soon.

Frankie G and Lights Out

I can’t describe to you how much I love Franklin Gutierrez. And I also really can’t describe why.

Years ago I decided I would have a favorite player on the Mariners who wasn’t the main star. It may have developed as a defense mechanism to be honest. When I was ten years old and Ken Griffey, Jr. hit a double off Dave Stewart in Oakland in his first major league at bat, I was in love. Platonically of course. Then Griffey broke all of our hearts when he requested – make that demanded – a trade to Cincinnati. It sucked. I hated him. So I started loving Mike Cameron. He hustled, played a ridiculous center field (and still does), swung at high fastballs and hit them sometimes. He had heart, charisma, and was never quite good enough to demand a trade.

I followed my love of Mike Cameron with a love of Yuniesky Betancourt (which amounted in many ways to a brief fling only to end when the woman you courted ended up eating way too much Jack In the Box Mini Sirloin Burgers and stopped working out), then Felix Hernandez.

I still love watching Felix pitch, but there is nothing like having a favorite player who impacts the game daily. Gutierrez does that – sometimes negatively, but most of the time positively. He is essentially Mike Cameron with less strikeouts. Frankie G makes ridiculous catches in centerfield and is starting to hit with more power. He still does things like grounding out with the bases loaded and one out as he did in the first inning yesterday. But then he goes out and....totally redeems himself! He made my night as I sat with my dad and watched him hit the game winning homer in the 8th inning yesterday.

The only thing better than that was when the ninth inning started. All of the scoreboards at Safeco Field went black. I turned to my father and said, “What the hell is going on?” The marketing folks at Safeco had done their job. They fooled me completely. Then the scoreboards starting flashing and the words “Lights Out” came on all of the boards as closer David Aardsma came into the game. It was awesome. I loved it so much that I sounded like a school kid when I told Dana as I got home. She just laughed at me. Pretty typical day.

Almost Famous (The Return)

Joe:

I wish I could say my delayed response was because I was in my basement developing some intricate formula for figuring which bum-sticking and gambling-addicted baseball players do and don't belong in the Hall of Fame. But the truth is, I don't have a basement. No, my delay has been due to far more selfish reasons, specifically the upkeep of my own blog, BrandSpankingJew.com. It's amazing how much time I'm willing to spend on something that has literally zero readers.

We last left off with you taking over the Pittsburgh Pirates, which I thought was a pretty sound decision. I haven't the first damn clue whether you could turn them into a winner, but I do think you would love Pittsburgh. The Rust Belt in general is an underrated place to live: If you can find a job, there is a wonderful life to be had there. There is natural beauty, passion about sports, and a devotion to whiskey rivaled only by Irish priests. Pittsburgh specifically boasts a surprisingly hilly terrain intersected by those three rivers, and it's lively and gorgeous. I think you should move there regardless of whether you own the Pirates. I'd like to have a friend in Pittsburgh.

Your question, I believe, was who do I believe belongs in the Hall of Fame, out of Bonds, Giambi, Rose, Rodriguez and Clemens. My answer: All of them except Giambi.

Rose is the easy one. There are so many racists and drunks and other shitheads in the Hall -- not to mention some unknown number who surely gambled on baseball -- I never understood the refusal to vote him in. He made a mistake, he totally refused to apologize for it. So what? The dude could rake. Let him in.

The steroid thing is obviously more complicated, but the same princple applies: Bonds, Clemens and Rodriguez were certain Hall of Famers, steroids or not. And you can't punish them for embracing a culture you nurtured. Hell, a culture we nurtured. Giambi is part of a much more complicated group, with Sosa, McGwire, and the rest. His numbers (.284, 400 homeruns) are borderline to begin with, and almost all of it was achieved during the height of the steroid era. I couldn't vote him in. Sosa and McGwire are tougher, but I couldn't vote for them either.

I'm always surprised by writers' and commentators' attempts to come up with some uniform rule they'll apply to the Steroids Era. To me, you vote the way you always did: You take all the information you have about a player, statistical and anecdotal and emotional, and you make the best decision possible, trying depend more on stats than emotions and anecdotes. You cast the vote, you hope you got it right, and you move onto the next guy.

But whatever you do, you put Bonds in. 'Cause when that dude was on 'roids, he was the best hitter of all time.

So here's something you can explain to me: I stayed home to watch golf this morning, only to have it get rained out. So naturally, I flipped to the soccer game, and made an interesting discovery: Brazil is really good at soccer. And we suck. It actually looked like a professional team playing a college team. And I don't understand why. We have 100 million more people, and it seems like every park I drive past on a Saturday morning is littered with soccer players. Yet if we play a team whose guys have funny names, we inevitably lose. It seems like we should at least be competitive, but we're not. Am I wrong? Is the rest of the world's devotion to the game going to always leave the U.S. behind? Or are the soccer powers that be somehow screwing up, a la the 2004 Olympic men's basketball team?

Brian:

Joseph,

It is good to know you are working hard on being a Jew as documented by brandspankingjew.com. I think that a Rabbi may help you in the spiritual realm, as well as figuring out why you are so wrong about steroids and baseball.

I agree that Bonds, Clemens, and ARod were all good players before they encountered good old roids, but to say sure fire Hall of Famers is ridiculous. Bonds hit 45 or more homers once in his career before injecting himself and then did that very same feat four years in a row. Clemens extended his career through injections and began it seems in Toronto where most people (including the Red Sox) believed his career would end. ARod apparently starting injecting in Texas where he started putting up serious power numbers.

Bonds may have the numbers either way, but as you know most of us hated him in college. And to be honest, his high pitched voice along with his arrogance makes me hate him even more now. So keep him out of the Hall. Forever.

I agree completely on Sosa and McGwire as they are steroid players. That is what they are. They would have been average to above average without roids. Rose should be in.

On to your question of U.S. soccer. Well, as it turns out today might be the worst day to respond as the U.S. just defeated the best team on the planet 2-0 to end Spain’s 35 match unbeaten streak (which tied a world record).

You are right about the Brazil match. They absolutely ran the U.S. off the field. Yet as shown by the Egypt match and today’s incredible upset, the U.S. isn’t horrible. They aren’t incapable of winning matches against the top teams. Yet they are not a top ten team in the world either. But there isn’t anything wrong.

The biggest reason why the United States hasn’t “taken over the world” when it comes to soccer is the popularity and origin of our other sports. The United States created basketball, football, and baseball. They are the games of this country. They began here and have been popular to varying degrees for years now. Thus when a young athlete grows up they start playing those three sports or maybe they play soccer at a young age but give up on it once they reach the teen years due to the popularity of the other three. Imagine if the best athletes in this nation played soccer? Some of them couldn’t do it for sure, but not all. Can you imagine if guys like Chris Paul, Kobe Bryant, Jimmy Rollins, Grady Sizemore, Vince Young, Reggie Bush, or Adrian Peterson played soccer instead?

The development and growth of the U.S. program is thanks in large part to guys who would have played other sports in the past. Guys like Clint Dempsey, Tim Howard, and Oguchi Onyewu (who I think would be a pretty good football player). This has changed how competitive the U.S. can be at the international level.

The other aspect that is hard for most American casual fans is our arrogance. We expect to win everything and don’t settle for less. This can be good, but it is also somewhat ridiculous. Traditional world powers like Brazil, Argentina, Portugal, and Spain don’t compete with our sports for athletes. Granted Spain and Argentina have produced some good basketball players, but the U.S. produces tons of great football and basketball players every year. You can compete on a small level with another sport, but U.S. soccer has an uphill climb in this respect.

With that said, why do you think you never embraced soccer? Why doesn’t the average American sports fan care about soccer?

Coffee Toffee and Brandon Morrow

When the Mariners drafted Brandon Morrow number five overall in 2006, I was really excited. I may have been excited because he was a high pick or because he was a college pitcher so supposedly he was closer to the majors. Or maybe it was the mid-to-high 90s fastball. In any case, Morrow provided an anticipation and excitement that could not be matched.

Until this weekend.

The Wendy’s sign read: “New Coffee Toffee Frosty”.

What? Unbelievable.

Now I am not a fast food addict or even frequenter anymore since the twenty pound weight loss of 2007-08. But if I am to eat some fast food, that fast food will be super fast and super Wendy’s. I love me some nuggets and have always loved me some Frosty. For years and years, Adam and I debated the Frosty. In the early 2000s (maybe the year 2000 itself), Adam claimed it to be ridiculous to call the Frosty a “chocolate Frosty” as I did often. I claimed that there were different flavors. Unfortunately if we take Wikipedia as a credible source – and why wouldn’t we? – then Adam is correct. The vanilla frosty was introduced in 2006.

Now they have Mix N’ Match Frosty and the brand new “Coffee Toffee Frosty”. So we know I love frosties and I love coffee flavored ice cream even more, so this is like drafting Brandon Morrow. I couldn’t wait to see him pitch. Throw in the toffee flavoring and it is like when the Mariners announced Morrow would start last season. Could it get any better?

Similar to the fiasco that is Brandon Morrow, the “Coffee Toffee Frosty” severely disappointed. Essentially I was drinking milk with chunks of something in it. I might as well suckle a cow. And Morrow might as well go to Tacoma because all he does in a Mariner uniform is make excuses. So my hope is that Morrow will take the time and the organization will give him the time to become a legit major league starter. To Morrow’s credit, he stated that he doesn’t mind if he spends the rest of the season in AAA if it means really refining all his pitches.

If only Wendy’s would take the same approach. Then maybe I could enjoy the “Coffee Toffee Frosty” and not be disappointed. Dave Thomas, you disappoint me. Brandon Morrow, I still have hope for you.

M's Pitching

When I played Little League baseball I was absolutely horrible at hitting. Think of the worst player you could ever imagine trying to hit a baseball and then throw up in your mouth. That was me.

I was scared of the ball. I swung meekly. I swung the bat like both my arms were broken. I trembled with fear every time the pitcher wound up. I flat out sucked at hitting.

Pitching on the other hand – I was pretty good. Granted it was the fourth and fifth grade, but I had some major highlights. I struck out four guys in an inning. I struck out my fruncle. My team won the CYO championship for teams that aren’t good at baseball.

So it is with this in mind that I must remind myself as a Mariner fan that I like this team. It is hard sometimes with the putrid middle infield defense and the flailing bats scoring zero or one runs all the time. Really it is a lot. In 59 games, the Mariners have scored zero or one runs 16 times (3-13 record, yes they have won three 1-0 games). That is 27% of the time! Ridiculous. The Mariners are last in the American League in runs scored, RBI, and OPS. They are third to last in home runs. They stink offensively. Yet somehow they are 29-30 overall and only 4.5 games out of first place in mid-June.

Like me, the Mariners are absurdly good on the mound. Ok maybe they are a tad better than me. The M’s rank first in the American League in ERA at 3.69. They are the only team under 4.00. They have three starters in the top nine in ERA. That is beyond my wildest dreams. Erik Bedard is 5-2 with a 2.47 ERA (#4 in the league), Felix Hernandez is 6-3 with a 3.06 ERA (#8), and Jarrod Washburn is 3-4 with a 3.07 ERA (#9). Recent addition Jason Vargas has only six starts and not enough innings to qualify, but is actually better than all of them with a 2.35 ERA. Those are four of the five starters right now. Amazing.

And then on a night like tonight where King Felix goes seven innings, it gets even tougher. Sean White is currently in the set up role with a 1.48 ERA and David Aardsma pitches the ninth, sitting nicely with a 1.84 ERA. What does this mean? It means that I will take a team that plays like this over a team that bashes and can’t pitch. Many would disagree with me, pointing to the excitement of mid-1990s teams in the Kingdome. People like runs. I like pitching. Maybe it is because I sucked at hitting, but I don’t buy it. I mean I absolutely dominated Dave and Ravi the last time we played wiffleball and on my wedding day I had one at bat. Result? Home run. Therefore not only am I awesome at sports that don’t matter, but the Mariners are awesome at pitching. It’s a win-win.

What A Day

The day began as I received a text message from a friend of mine who wakes up at 4:30 a.m. every day. I know….what is he thinking? Anyway the text said, “Nick Montana committed to us!” This coming only hours after the Mariners made my wish come true by drafting the best hitter in the draft in Dustin Ackley.

What a start.

As the day went on and I ran some stairs (they were really long and steep), nearly passing out in the process, I read some more good news. Brandon Morrow is going to be a starter again. What? This is awesome. And then I read that Yuniesky Betancourt is on his last legs as a Mariner. Even better!

What a glorious sports day in Seattle.

So which one is the best news of all four?

In terms of surprise, I vote Morrow, Montana, Ackley, then Betancourt. I mean Morrow said in March that he would never be a starter again. He related it to having diabetes, arm issues, and being a general disappointment to all Lincecum fans across the nation. So moving back to being a starter (which everyone in Seattle wants) was a shocker. Montana took an unofficial visit this past weekend – where it was high 70s and sunny, ha ha fooled you – and the Huskies just lost out on local QB sensation Jake Heaps of Skyline High School only five days ago. On that date, multiple recruiting experts said Montana was still a long shot. Ackley was somewhat expected and Betancourt has been sucking for awhile.

In terms of awesomeness, I vote Ackley, Montana, Morrow, then Betancourt. Read my previous blog entry for why Ackley is the man. Nick Montana is Joe Montana’s son, plus he had offers from schools like Cal, Alabama, and Notre Dame. If Morrow can make the transition then he might have saved the future rotation. Betancourt, I still hate you.

What do you think? Which one is most surprising? Most awesome?

Draft Dustin Ackley Today

When the Nationals draft the buzz sensation that is Stephen Strasburg at about 3:00 p.m. today, the Mariners will officially be on the clock with the #2 overall pick. I have a few words of advice for Los Marineros.

Draft Dustin Ackley.

Please.

Now before you stop reading because you don’t care about the MLB draft or you know all the stories of top picks who end up sucking (hello Jeff Clement, any day now!), stay with me. (Although let’s be honest, no one is really reading). Traditionally the Mariners have held a number of high draft picks. If you compare their success to many other Major League teams, they actually hold up pretty well. It is hard to argue with either Ken Griffey Jr (#1 overall in 1987) or Alex Rodriguez (#1 overall in 1993) as draft picks. They blew some top ones as well (Marc Newfield as #6 overall in 1990, Jose Cruz as #3 overall in 1995, Roger Salkeld as #3 overall in 1989), but gained value with some lower picks as well. Yet we can’t really evaluate the Mariners franchise. We need to look at the man in charge, Jack Zduriencik.

When purusing the interweb, I found a site that listed the top 20 Brewers prospects coming into this season. Out of the top eleven, seven were drafted in the past three years in the first five rounds of the draft. That is pretty good proof right there that JZ has an eye for talent. Who knows if they will make an impact, but they are rated very highly in the minor league system. This hasn’t always been the case with the M’s in the past. In fact, the past two years have given us some prospects like Dennis Raben and Brett Lorin who are a long way away from making an impact or others like Josh Fields and Phillipe Aumont who will make neat relievers. JZ will get it done right. Need more proof?

1999 First Round Pick – Ben Sheets. 2001 Second Round Pick – JJ Hardy. 2002 First Round Pick – Prince Fielder. 2003 First Round Pick – Rickie Weeks. 2004 Second Round Pick – Yovani Gallardo. 2005 First Round Pick – Ryan Braun.

Does this give me confidence? Yes. Why? Because I can read and I am not an idiot.

But why Ackley? You can find all the reasons on various websites like USS Mariner, Lookout Landing or even ESPN.com, but I will give you a little taste.

Hitting .411 with 22 homers and 70 RBI while left handed (perfect for Safeco). Lookout Landing has a great comparison of other top prospects or picks and their junior years. Ackley blows them away. He holds the top career average at North Carolina, almost twenty points above BJ Surhoff and Brian Roberts. He also has good speed and a ridiculous OPS (I know it is college). Supposedly he broke an aluminum bat hitting a grand slam once as well. It took me 45 tries to break an aluminum bat on a large rock.

Even beyond the numbers, I watched Ackley hit this weekend against East Carolina on ESPN. I missed the first at bat where he struck out. His second at bat he fell behind 0-2. He worked the count back to full and then walked. In his third at bat he appeared to hit a standard 4-6-3 double play, but beat the throw. Good speed. In his fourth at bat with Carolina up 4-0 and a chance to go to the College World Series, he once again fell behind 0-2. He worked the count with two fouls back to 3-2. Then he hit an opposite field three run homer to essentially clinch the victory. I was sold. We need Ackley. With picks at #27 and #33, there is a good chance to get some college pitchers later. Draft Ackley please.

Should the M's Bat Ichiro 3rd?

"Once I got this far, I wanted to achieve it," Ichiro said, according to his translator. "Now I wish that I would have asked my wife, Yumiko, and my dog, Ikkyu, to come to the game today. But at the same time, if you think about it, if I didn't invite them, it means that much to me as well."

The only thing Ichiro does better than give quotes is get hits. He simply hits. Every time people write him off or think he is declining, he gets more hits. Infield hits. Home runs. Ripped line drives. All kind of hits. More hits than Michael Jackson and you know how much it hurts me to say that.

Once again Ichiro is in the midst of an incredible hitting streak. In fact, he broke his own team record as it now sits at 27 straight games. This stretch of dominance reminded me of the great Ichiro years of the past including 2001. I seem to always think back to 2001 and not for the reason you think. Obviously the Mariners won 116 games that year and then couldn’t get past the Yankees thanks to the absence of a dominant starter. Yet what I remember most that year is the amazing amount of clutch hits that team provided throughout the season. Leading the charge was Ichiro. Don’t believe me?

These numbers are ridiculous. He hit .350 that first year while winning the MVP. People still argue whether he deserved that award and I understand the debate. But how about the fact that he hit .420 with runners on base, .445 with runners in scoring position, and .460 with runners in scoring position and two outs. Those numbers are absurd.

Maybe I can help you understand how absurd with a little perspective. The consensus debate for best Mariners ever lies with Ichiro, Ken Griffey Jr, Alex Rodriguez, and Edgar Martinez. Griffey and Rodriguez both dealt with labels of being not clutch at one point or another while with the M’s. Edgar never came close to such a label. He, for many Mariner fans, is the definition of clutch. Edgar = clutch. Edgar never hit over .400 in any of those categories. He hit .365 in 1995 with runners in scoring position and two outs. Griffey tops out at .351 in the same category in 2001 and A-Rod .339 in 2000.

Well what about other greats – the non-Mariner edition? Barry Bonds, steroids or not, is generally considered the best offensive player in the past decade or so. I will also throw in Albert Pujols for current consideration. Bonds hit .423 with RISP and two outs in 2004. He never hit over .400 in the other years or categories. Pujols hit .435 with RISP and two outs in 2006. None other over .400. Ichiro actually improved in 2004 by hitting .472 with RISP and two outs and hit .431 in the same category in 2007. Three times! For his career Ichiro hits .350 in that category. No one else is close of those I discussed earlier.

Clearly there is evidence that Ichiro is the most clutch player in Mariner history. Additionally from the leadoff spot he has five seasons of 60 or more RBI. So why doesn’t he bat third? We may never know the complete answer. Lou Piniella, Bob Melvin, Mike Hargrove, John McLaren, and Jim Riggleman all either contemplated or tried this. All of them returned Ichiro to the lead off spot.

As it seems that with the Mariner offense in Dante’s depth of hell, they would turn to batting Ichiro third. The offense is deathly anemic at this point and needs help. In 2001, the Mariners hit .305 as a team with runners on, .295 with runners in scoring position, .262 with runners in scoring position and two outs and .279 in close and late situations. In 2009, the Mariners hit .258 with men on, .243 when they are in scoring position, .176 (ouch!) with runners in scoring position and two outs and .231 close and late. Awful. They actually are averaging two more chances per game in late and close situations, yet less opportunities in the other categories. Now the difference in average really hurts. The 2009 Mariners simply do not score.

The other options for players hitting third seem to be Adrian Beltre, Russell Branyan, Ken Griffey Jr, Jose Lopez, Mike Sweeney (although a diminishing platooner) and Wladimir Balentein (everyone’s favorite Dutch dude – what do you call someone from Dutch land?). Griffey (.217 runners on, .161 RISP, .077 RISP and two outs) and Balentein (.184, .182, .200) stink at this whole clutch thing. Lopez actually hits .300 with RISP and two outs. Beltre does well before there are two outs (.265, .296, .200), as does Branyan (.329, .273, .118). Sweeney will probably be cut soon. So how about Ichiro? Of course Ichiro is having his worst season in these categories at .281, .250, and .222. Maybe this is why the Mariners can’t score.

Nevertheless players usually return to their norms with the exception of an occasional awful year or amazing year. Ichiro seems to be pretty normal for his standards so we can expect him to get closer to his career numbers. With the apparent aversion to batting third by the man himself, Manager Don Wakamatsu’s best solution might be to bat some players with high on base percentages in the eighth and ninth spots to give Ichiro more opportunities to hit with runners on. Thankfully Don thinks like I do. Or maybe he doesn’t but it appears that he does. Or maybe he does and we are both idiots. Nevertheless, Endy Chavez has been hitting eighth and Franklin Gutierrez ninth. Meanwhile the worst hitter on the team, Rob Johnson, is hitting in a more traditional better hitting spot of seventh. Chavez is fifth in on base percentage at .331 and Gutierrez is third at .348. Genius. Thank you new regime. Now go draft Dustin Ackley.

Can I Get a Philly Cheesesteak? Can I Get a What What?

After spending hours researching the absolute putrid performance of Bill Bavasi as Mariners General Manager, I felt quite depressed. Then I felt even more depressed when I thought about the Erik Bedard trade again. Then I felt the most depressed when I saw Larry Stone of the Seattle Times write essentially the same article, yet he gets paid to do it and they talk about him as a genius on sports radio. (http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/thehotstoneleague/2009264288_bill_bavasi_gets_ripped_and.html#continue)
Is there any hope? Yes. Thankfully.

Jack Zduriencik is our hope. The new JZ. Hence the title of the post.

(In college, a guy we hung out with named Matt asked the lady at the cafeteria that question after Adam ordered a Philly Cheesesteak. One of the top lunch room moments of all time).

Since becoming the GM of the beloved hometown nine, he has done the following:
Traded JJ Putz, Sean Green, Jeremy Reed, and Luis Valbuena for Aaron Heilman, Jason Vargas, Mike Carp, Maikel Cleto, Ezekiel Carrera, Endy Chavez, and Franklin Gutierrez.

Traded Heilman to the Cubs for Garrett Olson and Ronny Cedeno.

Signed Russell Branyan and Ken Griffey Jr.

Traded Fabian Williamson for David Aardsma.

How did those deals work out? In a few months time better than all of Bavasi’s actions put together.

I am not ready to say Jack Z is the savior. But he has given me hope. And as Winston Churchill once said, “All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom; justice; honor; duty; mercy; hope.” Ignore the other words, just focus on the hope. Everyone knows that is what Churchill meant.

Putz instantly became the eighth inning set up guy for the Mets (at $6 million per year and 32 years of age) and has not been lights out. He hasn’t been bad necessarily, but a 3.81 ERA sits below Sean White, Shawn Kelley, and David Aardsma of the Mariners (who combined make about $1.2 million). Meanwhile Sean Green has been pretty awful with an 0-2 record, 6.98 ERA, and 1.86 WHIP. Jeremy Reed remains irrelevant as he was for years in Seattle. Congrats Jeremy, you suck but not enough for anyone to care.

The Indians received Luis Valbuena who is now on the major league roster, but hitting only .188. He was great in AAA at .321 and .436 OBP. The Indians received Joe Smith (really that is his name) who has been atrocious (7.11 ERA in 6 1/3 innings all in April).

The Mariners gained two starting outfielders in Chavez and Gutierrez who immediately changed the outfield defense. Chavez has a UZR of 2.4 (ultimate zone rating) and Gutierrez sits at 6.1. That puts Franklin only behind Mike Cameron (a golden god in my book) and Matt Kemp among all major league center fielders. Offensively neither will be confused for Evan Longoria (or Eva Longoria on some days) as Chavez sits at .289, 2 HR, 13 RBI, and eight steals. Gutierrez is hitting .258 with three homers and 19 RBI. Yet when I examined a little closer, Gutierrez adds a lot of value. He is in the top five of OBP among the Mariners – nothing to brag about necessarily – and has swung at only 22.4% of pitches outside the strike zone. That percentage is tops on the M’s. In comparison, Jose Lopez swings at 33.3%, Yuniesky Betancourt at 38.6%, and Adrian Beltre at 39.2%. All three of those players sit in the bottom eight of eligible players in the AL. Pathetic.

Jack Z’s acquisitions are paying dividends already. Three of the top four hitters on the Mariners in terms of average where JZ’s acquisitions. Four of the top five OBP as I said earlier. The other player? Ichiro.

Meanwhile Cedeno provides some back up infield help and Garrett Olson has been serviceable as a spot starter. He dominated the Giants and then was cruising for five against the Angels until he started remembering he was Garrett Olson.

Aardsma is almost lights out as closer since replacing Brandon Morrow. He blew it yesterday after throwing a fourth consecutive day, but admitted to having nothing in his arm. As a fellow self-depricator like Aardsma, I believe him when he says that. He isn’t LeBron blowing smoke up anything that moves. Even with yesterday’s blow up, Aardsma has a 2.13 ERA, hitters are only batting .169 against him, and he is eight for nine in save opportunities. The man they traded, Fabian Williamson, is having a good season with a 2.82 ERA in A, but that is low minors. Plus the Mariners have 72 first round draft picks to become relievers in the future with Philipe Aumont in A and Josh Fields in AA already.

Mike Carp is hitting .291 with eight homers and 24 RBI (also .935 OPS) in AAA and Carrerra is raking in AA with a .351 average.

Russell Branyan is dominating for some reason as he sits at #8 in the AL in OBP, #4 in OPS, and leads the team with 11 homers. He is hitting an ungodly (for Branyan) .323 with 23 RBI. Cost? $1.4 million. Ken Griffey is not excelling, nor is he average. Yet he only cost $2 million for one year. Big deal. Remember Bavasi gave the worst pitcher in the league $48 million over four years. I hate you Carlos Silva.

As you can see, JZ (why would I call him anything else?) dominates Bavasi. Yet it is early. A lot could change for the better or the worse. The next two tests come up quickly for JZ in the MLB draft (#2, #27, and #33 overall picks) and the trade deadline (Beltre, Bedard, Washburn?). Either way I imagine JZ sitting in his office with his Roc-A-Fella mates, saying to himself, “Bill Bavasi is the world’s biggest jackass”.

Almost Famous (Part Three)

For previous exchanges and explanation, please scroll down.

Joe:

I'm writing this while watching 'White Man Can't Jump', which requires me to address a few things before I answer your question. First: It's a great movie, with B+-to-A- basketball competency, but what's with the two ridiculous 360 layups in the first 15 minutes? Who does 360 layups? Second: Why is Kadeem Harrison, who steals the opening scene with his oversized Jordan jersey and bottomless mama jokes, so under used throughout the rest of the movie? He should be at every game played. No exceptions. Third: Did you know Ron Shelton is directing a'Game of Shadows' movie? Who do you think will play Barry Bonds? There are really only two criteria: Must be black, and must be able to put on 100 pounds of muscle over three weeks of shooting. Alternative: Omar Epps as Barry circa 1993, and Michael Clarke Duncan as Barry circa 2001. I'd watch that. I'd definitely watch that.

Your response to my last question, and your GM question, were interesting: You seem to look at things in a more positive, how-can-I-contribute manner. Me? I'm looking for the sport that, by its nature, I would be least able to screw up. As a player, I'd have to say baseball. But I'm not thinking that I would contribute at all. I just think if you stuck me in right field for the Red Sox, while we would definitely suck, we could still win some games, even if I went 0-for-the-season. We could score runs in innings I wasn't up, our pitcher could throw a shutout -- we could win. Football, basketball, soccer -- I'm pretty sure if you stuck me on any team in any of those leagues, we would lose every game, or close to it. The parts are just too integral in those games. Too easy to pick on the weak link.

As a GM, I'd go with numbers again and pick basketball. Odd, because I probably know the least about it. But there are so few parts, it seems like the simplest formula to figure out. You need a star, one or two more all-stars that compliment the star and a bunch of great role players. You need a coach that the players don't hate, who can make some adjustments on the fly, and who can get his guys to play team defense. And you need a lot of luck.

Obviously it's a lot harder than that, but I think it'd take less time to figure out than the rest. Honestly? Call it Sports Guy Syndrome, but I think if you gave me five years I could be as good as whoever the hell's run the Warriors into the ground over the last 20 years.

I'd ask you the same thing, but if you didn't answer basketball we'd all know you were just mixing it up for mixing-it-up's sake. So: We'll flip it a bit: You win the megamillions tomorrow, $320 million. The only catch: You have to buy an existing major sports team. And not any team: A team that needs a new owner, that's in the bottom half of its league and needs a new direction. Taking into consideration all factors -- including fan base, having to live in the city, current roster, etc. -- what team do you buy, and what do you do to turn it around?

One more exception: You can't pick the Seahawks or the Mariners. You have to take up residence in a new city.

Go.

Brian:

First and foremost, I think you have and always will like "White Men Can't Jump" much more than the average person. Even more than the average sports fan. The movie to me fits in the realm of most basketball movies where the game action is sub-par. Now this film doesn't hit the lows of Coach Carter or some others, but it doesn't reach the high of Hoosiers. That movie can't be touched in my eyes. Although I would give special mention to Marques Johnson's role in White Men Can't Jump for when he goes to his car and gets the gun to shoot them. Also, that reminds me...Above the Rim is underrated for the 2Pac factor (along with the razor blade he keeps in his bottom lip). Ok, apparently I am feeling a bit violent today.

Game of Shadows seems like a movie I will never watch no matter who plays Barry Bonds. I think a better film would be a documentary following Ichiro. He wears the weirdest clothes and says the most awesome things such as (aside from the genius Cleveland quote):

On speeding up the game: "Yesterday when I played, inside my head I said 'I want to go home quickly,' and I swung and I was able to get a hit because I wanted to go home. Today I thought, 'I want to hurry up and get something to eat,' and I swung and got a hit today."

Explaining why he missed catching a fly ball: "The ball became the same color as the sky. So, I wasn't able to see it ... I was sending mental signals for the ball not to come my way, because during that time of day it's impossible for me to see the ball so I lacked mental signals. I lacked in that area. Usually, I don't send mental signals. So, because this is the first time, I thought, please don't come my way."

On great athletes: "Tiger is a great golfer, but ... when you say athlete, I think of Carl Lewis. When you talk about (golfers or race-car drivers), I don't want to see them run. It's the same if you were to meet a beautiful girl and go bowling. If she's an ugly bowler, you are going to be disappointed."

For a complete list, visit http://100percentinjuryrate.blogspot.com/2007/06/existential-angst-of-ichiro-suzuki.html

Oh and you would cost your team a lot of runs if you played outfield. You don't think 2-4 hitters per team could try to hit toward you. Do you think you could track a line drive? And would your legs move fast enough?

It is funny that you think if I don't pick basketball that I am just trying to spice things up. While I coach, I really would have no desire to be a GM of a NBA team. My first love has always been baseball and to me, it is the sport where a GM has the biggest impact. The NBA is too dependent on factors out of your control such as the lottery (frozen envelopes, LeBron preferences, luck), location, and salary cap. For example, the Kings are atrocious. In the time that Spencer Hawes has been there (2 years now), they will be moving on to their fourth coach. They needed Blake Griffin or Ricky Rubio. They won't get either with the #4 pick. Also, who is going to Sacramento as a free agent? The only reason would be for the Maloof connection. It is the same reason why the entire city of Cleveland is kissing LeBron's ass right now. They are deathly afraid he will leave for a city where people actually want to keep living. And it is so hard to trade. Plus no minor league for development. The NBDL does not fit that description.

So I would much rather be a GM of a baseball team. You can absolutely change the entire franchise around and do it with limited funds if you are smart. Look at Oakland for the early 2000s, Tampa Bay last year, and Florida twice. Limited budget, good trades, and awesome farm system.

This leads me to your question. With $320 million I could buy exactly zero NFL teams. The cheapest NFL team according to Forbes is the Minnesota Vikings at $839 million and then you would be living in fricking Minnesota. Oakland is second and we all know there is no way I am living in Oakland. There are eleven NBA teams that fit, but the best options are probably Portland ($307 million), Clippers ($297 million), New Orleans ($285 million) and Indiana ($303 million). Who cares about Indiana? New Orleans is a mess due to Katrina (thanks to Bush). Portland - Allen isn't selling. Clippers - Sterling doesn't seem to care that they suck so he isn't selling.

That leaves us with MLS. Just kidding. You could buy almost the entire league for that amount, but who would want to? They all lose money and you own a MLS team. Great.

Tampa Bay, Oakland, Kansas City, Pittsburgh, and Florida fit the bill for baseball. Florida, TB, and Oakland all have serious stadium issues. Plus Tampa Bay recently was sold. Kansas City is interesting but I am not living there. So my choice is the Pittsburgh Pirates. I know, weird. Yet they have a passionate fan base who is consumed with the Steelers. There is room for another team to root for especially since they play at different times of the year. Yet the Pirates lost for so many years since the Van Slyke, Bonds, and Bonilla era. The Pirates are valued at $288 million and the current owner bought them for $93 million. He would sell to make money off the deal. I would still have about $32 million to live with so no big deal.

They recently hired Neil Hunington as General Manager and I am not sure about him yet. I may let him keep his job for now. I would up the payroll a bit, but they have a newer stadium which looks awesome. Their uniforms are phenomenal and there is a ton of history in Pennsylvania. I would teach and just have a T.A. to grade.

Their major league talent is young or signed for a few years like Nate McClouth, Nyjer Morgan, Ryan Doumit, and Paul Maholm. Craig Hansen will be a good closer soon I believe. Plus they aren't as bad of hitters as the Mariners. The M's have four players with an OPS over .700. The Pirates have 11. Not to mention 4-5 pretty decent prospects in the minors. They need way more depth, but that is why Huntington would be on a short leash. Andrew McCutchen is an AAA outfielder who is hitting .293 with 3 homers and 18 RBI (.841 OPS), along with 10 steals. 3B Pedro Alvarez was a top 5 pick last year and has nine homers in his first full season at A. A couple other pitchers are doing well in their top 10 prospects that I won't bore you with.

Fan support waiting for a winner. Good stadium. Tradition. Can't get much better. I pick the Pirates.

Switching gears, but staying with the Pirates and baseball. Of the following scandalous folks, A-Rod, Pete Rose, Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, Manny Ramirez, and Roger Clemens, who belongs in the Hall of Fame? Taking into account stats, regular criteria and gambling/putting needles in your bum or having someone else do it for you at the Sky Dome.

Almost Famous (Part Two)

For the first exchange and explanation, please scroll down.

Joe:
Weird. I take myself entirely too seriously, only to have you make ceaseless fun of me while also winning the argument. If Dallas would just flip over a coffee table while Ravi buys penny stocks Naveed rides a stationary bike, we'd basically have my entire college experience wrapped into one email chain.

Interesting that you equate our disinterest in sports we once loved to the quality of play. The Sonics were bad, and the NBA "product" has declined, so you no longer watch. The Giants are atrocious, so I checked out. I actually think that has very little to do with it. We've both happily rooted for plenty of bad teams over the years -- mid-80s Giants, anyone? Santa Clara basketball? Ravi and Brian in Wiffleball? -- and never thought twice about it. The reality, I think, is that our interest in sports has less to do that the physical acts taking place on the field than we realize, and more to do with the characters and other elements of the ongoing story of teams. It's the announcers, the coaches, the stadiums, the interesting players, the lame local commercials that play during timeouts. We have a serious relationship with our teams, and our connection with the rest of the league is filtered through that experience. Once that goes away, we have no context through which to view the rest of the league, so we slowly check out. That's why I checked out of baseball but not basketball or football: LeBron was immediately interesting, and Nate, my friend who played for the Broncos, made them relevant to me. (Although football has so few games, and has so saturated the sports landscape, I think I'd stay relatively interested even without that connection).

Fantasy sports obviously changes that for some people, because it gives them a "team" through which to filter the experience. College basketball is an exception for you, because you're a coach, and coaches are the stars, and you like to watch Coach K to see which butt cheek he lifts off the bench first when he gets up to make a substitution so you can make sure you do the same. But I suspect if you moved to Phoenix or Chicago or Pittsburgh, you'd have a much harder time staying into baseball than you expect.

My favorite in-person sports moment? Probably when I watched the Giants clinch the division in 2002 and ... oh wait, I had tickets to that game and gave them away to my dad. Which I can't feel too bad about, since my dad's the reason I love(d?) the Giants, but still. That hurt.

Honestly, this is hard. Objectively speaking, it was probably the Ohio State-Michigan game in 2006, with the Big Ten title on the line. Ohio State football games are certainly the biggest, most-hyped, drunkest and sloppiest sporting events I've ever been to, and this was The Horseshoe at full-strength. I sat pretty close to the field, on the wall, and when the Buckeyes won --- clinching a berth in the national title game -- I had to storm the field simply to avoid getting trampled. I was one of the first 20 people to the middle of the field, and despite not giving two shits about OSU football, I was going apeshit, just swept up in the hysteria of the 100,000 Buckeye crazies. Then I crashed an undergrad party and played the congas in a stranger's backyard. Ah, to be sort-of young.

So, yeah, objectively speaking, that had to be it. But sports aren't objective, so that's beaten out by a few more personal moments:

3. Barry Bonds' first home game as a Giant, in which he hit a homerun at a sold-out Candlestick. (Benito Santiago also hit the first homerun in Marlins' history -- and the guy in the bleachers threw it back. I never did decide whether that was the coolest or the stupidest homerun throwback of all time. Strikes me as the perfect time for the ole throw-the-fake-ball-from-your-backpack move, followed by the ole bribe-the-shit-out-of-the-Marlins move. Although the Marlins probably would've offered the dude half their roster and let him keep the ball too).

1(t). SCU-Gonzaga, WCC title game, 1998. Yeah, we lost, but I've never been at a game with so much crowd energy. You literally felt as if the student section was going to burst like a floodwall onto the court start tearing FP Santangelo's flesh from his bones. So. Freaking. Cool.

1(t). Giants-Marlins wild-card round playoff game, 1997. This was basically the same experience: We lost, and were in fact eliminated from the playoffs. This was when baseball had the awesomely dumb idea of giving the wild-card teams the first two games at home against the division winners. The ole 2-3 format. It's actually pretty amazing that men smart enough to get jobs running baseball were dumb enough to think that was a good idea.

Anyway, the game pretty much sucked from the start, but the energy of Barry Bonds' first at bat -- 60,000 people, "The Next Episode" blasting, Barry strolling to the plate while thinking about how he would evade taxes and start steroids that off-season -- was the coolest energy I've ever felt at a live sporting event. I'll never forget it.

Goddamn I miss that lunatic steroid-bound ass clown.

You should answer that one as well, but give me your top five, because you've been to a lot of sporting events. But do it quickly, because you also have to tell me this:

Of the Big Four sports -- MLB, NFL, NBA and, of course, MLS -- which do you think you could impact the least negatively if a team was forced to start you and play you a reasonable amount of time throughout a season, and why? Bonus question: Which sport would you pick for me?

P.S. The Cavs just lost Game 3. Here's my new theory: In accumulating the best record with the best layer, the Cavs convinced everyone that they were the best team in the league. In fact, they were the fourth or fifth best team, but LeBron forced them to play with such focus, energy and toughness so consistently throughout the regular season -- when the rest of the teams were routinely taking games off -- they amassed the best record simply by out working everyone. But now, during the post-season -- when everyone is giving maximum effort --- they're hosed. In other words, it's not just a bad matchup with the Magic. They would have struggled just as much against the Nuggets or Lakers, and maybe even the Celtics or Rockets (especially if either was healthy).

They lose in six. The Nuggets lose in 7. The Lakers win the title in 6.

Brian:
Overwhelmed by possible responses, I must first comment on your opening. I do have a history of belittling you to the point of you no longer speaking to me (even if it is temporary), but I think both you and I know that I am funny in only two ways: one is making fun of you and the other is making fun of myself. So thankfully you provided me with the perfect opportunity.

If a team were forced to pay me actual U.S. dollars and had to put me on the field/court, I would most likely be Carlos Silva. Oh snap!

I think that we can effectively eliminate the NFL without question. Can you imagine what I would look like in pads? Ever seen the movie “Lucas”? That would be me. Now imagine Ray Lewis breathing on me and saying, “I am going to kill you like I did Bambi on that Saturday Night Live cartoon!” I would poop my pants, call it a day, and just run myself into a wall so I got a concussion. For equally opposite reasons we can eliminate the MLS. That requires skills with your feet that I don’t have, nor do I have the conditioning to keep up with those players. I might be able to just run into small forwards and get carded early on, but they would most likely just dribble around me and then blow kisses to the crowd.

That leaves MLB and the NBA. At first I eliminated the NBA due to my lack of (a) height, (b) quickness, and (c) skill. A trifecta! Yet they don’t really play much defense in the NBA, at least not on the bad teams. So say I made the Grizzlies and played guard next to OJ Mayo. I would just give him the ball and spot up for 15 foot jumpers. I could do that. Yet I think my best bet is right handed reliever for a Major League Baseball team. I assume that my top speed of 51 MPH would confuse hitters so much that they would wail away and miss. I would only face one batter every other game (someone like Adrian Beltre who swings way too hard all the time) and even if they connected, there wouldn’t be enough momentum for the hitter to do much with it. Shouldn’t someone try this? I mean the Mariners currently owe $31 million this year to Silva, Jarrod Washburn, and Miguel Batista. That is absurd.

You would have to play in MLB as well. We already know how basketball turned out for you thanks to your professional journalistic experience.

I think you would be a hitter though. I mean it is has already been done to a certain degree by Eddie Gaedal. You could draw walks and you would certainly piss off many pitchers. You love to swing hard and you would complain about calls all the time. It would be phenomenal. You would swing as hard as you could and lace the occasional soft blooper into left. I can’t imagine a greater spectacle in all of sports.

In terms of my favorite live-in-person sports moments, you remind me that there have been great moments in which my team didn’t win. I had never considered the SCU-Gonzaga game before (in which you affectionately called Matt Santangelo, FP Santangelo, who as we know was a journeyman outfielder), but probably should as it was a blast. I blocked out a good portion of college due to the whole devil woman attraction incident (and by incident, I mean two full years and one year of post-devil depression, not a big deal though……isn’t it amazing someone married me?) so Santa Clara games really can’t be included. Either way, I don’t think anything comes near this top three:

3. The 2001 All-Star Game at Safeco Field.
My father somehow was connected to someone who got us in as volunteers for the All-Star game. Little did I know at the time, our volunteer duties would include holding a Cuban flag on the field as the P.A. announcer introduced the starting line ups for both teams. Randy Johnson and Pudge Rodriguez walked by about five feet away and 45,000 people stared at us as we honored Tony Perez and Communism in general. Of course this was Cal Ripken’s last game and he hit a home run. Even though I never particularly liked Cal Ripken, being part of history was fairly awesome. Not to mention this was part of the 116 win season in which eight Mariners made the A.L. squad and Freddy Garcia got the win with Kaz Sasaki getting the save.

2. The NFC Championship Game
Aside from Luis having seven too many jello shots, this game was awesome. Actually if you remember from previous emails and posts, Luis decided that he needed to listen to Eminem for the entire first half. He missed almost everything. Meanwhile I became fast friends with everyone around me as I literally had never and will never cheer as loud and as long as I did at that game. The Hawks absolutely dominated the Panthers and reached the promised land, only to be robbed by the referees. I will not back down on that and I don’t want to discuss it any more.

1. The 1995 Divisional Series
I combine three games into one here. The Mariners were down 2-0 to the hated Yankees after Tim Belcher gave up a bomb to now convict Jim Leyritz to end game two. The emotion and unpredictability of these three games (thank God for that same format you hated so much) could only be capped by game five. Tied at 4-4, Randy Johnson entered the game as a reliever in extra innings. The Kingdome went absolutely nuts! And then despite his dominance in that era, he gave up a run in the top of the 11th. Yet this was the “Refuse to Lose” season. When Edgar Martinez hit a double down the left field line with Joey Cora on third and Ken Griffey Jr on first, I remember thinking to myself, “Thank God, we tied the game!”. Then Griffey started rounding third and adrenaline shot through my entire body. When he scored, I have never felt so happy at a sporting event (saving myself as my wedding should and does come above this) in my whole life. The guy in front of us threw his shoulder out cheering. We stayed for nearly two hours just yelling and screaming as the entire team came back out on the field after celebrating in the clubhouse. It was incredible.

This was the last Mariner playoff game I attended and 2001 was the last time the Mariners went to the playoffs. As I wrote in an earlier entry, Bill Bavasi ruined the Mariners for four years and probably for another two or three until they can rid themselves of his horrific decisions. With this being said, what sport do you think you could be the best General Manager of (NFL, MLS, NHL, MLB, NBA)? What would be your philosophy to make you successful?

Almost Famous

After conversing with professional journalist and amateur midget Joe Tone, I came up with a good idea. Bill Simmons exchanges emails with author Malcolm Gladwell and posts it on ESPN.com, mostly because Simmons used to be really funny and Gladwell writes phenomenal books and has even more phenomenal hair. Since Joe is an author of some sort and I am a Sports Guy of some sort, I figured my blog is a perfect place for the Almost Famous version of this type of exchange. Thus from now until whenever we choose to stop, Joe and I will be exchanging emails and posting them here on anything and everything we choose to discuss.

The first question posed to Joe by me was: Which city is a better sports town, Cleveland or Denver? (In case you don't know, Joe recently wrote for a fake newspaper in Cleveland and currently writes for another fake paper in Denver).

Joe:
This was actually fun. You didn't ask, but both Cleveland and Denver are way better sports towns than the Bay Area, as sad as that is.

Cleveland and Denver, as sports towns and cities in general, are actually quite similar. Denver's like a bigger, better dressed, tanner, skinnier, and slightly less clinically depressed version of Cleveland. Both towns are pretty drunk; Denver was actually voted the drunkest city in the country by Men's Health, but that's because Cleveland got hammered and forgot to fill out the form. There's better weed in Denver, if you're into that sort of thing. Cleveland has more water, a lake and a river, but the river caught on fire and the lake is frozen for about 10 months a year. Denver has Red Rocks and about 47 times more jobs. So there's that.

As sports towns, both have teams in the “big three” sports, which has to be pretty depressing for you. (My apologies, by the way. I actually interviewed David Stern once, and have his phone number if you want to start leaving him harassing messages. No jury in the land would convict). But as volume goes, Denver's got Cleveland beat: This city's got like 47 pro teams, including hockey, MLS, rugby, two lacrosse teams – seriously – and even a lingerie football team.

As quality goes, it feels like a wash. The Nuggets and Cavs are both outstanding and anchored by young, exciting players who have both been dicks to me. The Rockies and Indians should probably be disbanded. The Broncos and Browns are both going to suck colossally, their suckitude magnified by their young, inexplicably cocky coaches. I'm pretty sure the Avs are woeful, but honestly, they could win a Stanley Cup title and I wouldn't notice. I'll pay attention to hockey when they don't have a team in Tennessee.

Both cities have great stadiums, actually. Denver probably gets the edge here because 1) the baseball stadium has buffalo dogs and a purple row of seats that's a mile high; the football stadium wasn't built on a lake that tends to produce gusts of frozen wind; and unlike Cleveland, the stadiums in Denver were were not, as far as I know, built entirely on the public dime by a mayor who was later found by FBI to be accepting bribes from more or less everyone involved in the stadium projects. But because Cleveland is shrinking like coked-up starlet, their games are much more accessible: parking, tickets, transportation, it's just easier to find yourself at a game in Cleveland.

Here's what it comes down to: The fans. Cleveland's are drunker, louder, more emotional. Not by much, but they are. (Especially in basketball and baseball). As a non-native, that emotion – and the history they have with their teams – makes rooting for Cleveland's teams feel a little more natural, and more fun, than rooting for Denver's. But again, not by much.

Wow, that was long and totally useless to anyone reading your blog, since it's highly unlikely any of your friends are wavering between moving to Cleveland or Denver. (If they are, they should ignore this and move to Denver). We should really change the subject. I'll give you two choices. You can answer either, both, or neither:

1. As you know, all the way through college, baseball was my favorite sport. I watched or listened to every Giants game, studied it like it was my major. But after I moved to Cleveland, while I gravitated toward Browns football and Cavs hoops, my relationship with baseball literally just stopped. Why?

2. This might be too painful, but: How has the Sonics' departure changed your relationship with the NBA?

Alright, go. I'm really depressed by the fact that I do this for a living and yet you're favored to outfunny me by 14.5 jokes.

Brian:

Clearly you are not aware that the "big three" have changed. The MLS has taken over for the NBA. Who would you rather watch, Fredy Montero or LeBron James? Of course we all know the answer. This will lead me to my answer to one of your questions later.

How does a river catch on fire by the way? That is amazing. Cleveland should win right there. Also, LeBron making fun of you seems so much cooler than Carmelo making fun of you. In fact, you could probably punch Carmelo in his face and he would start crying. LeBron would just buy your pride, make it into a puppet called Sad FakeJew (for help understanding, visit http://www.brandspankingjew.com/) and then have Kobe's puppet make fun of you just for giggles.

Agreed on the hockey. I think as long as Tampa Bay, Carolina, Florida, Atlanta, Anaheim, Nashville, and Phoenix have hockey teams, I will not watch. Then when they eliminate all those teams, I still won't watch. Unless Seattle gets a team, then I will probably get season tickets and advocate the return of the glowing puck. Why is Men's Health voting on drunk cities? Shouldn't they be voting on which cities read Men's Health so they can figure out where all the men with low self esteem live? Now on to the two questions.

It is quite disturbing that you seem as if you don't care about baseball anymore. But I have the answer for you. It is complex, so it might take you seven or eight reads to understand. I mean it did take you about a year to realize that Jen Kanne really was going to stay with the handsome ex-Stanford basketball player and not return to you (no offense).

First, you get distracted easily. I remember times in college where you would go get Bacon and Cheddar Potato Wedges rather than watch the Giants. Or play wiffleball (which is actually defendable and justifiable, especially considering you played in the juiced era where midgets like you and Brady Anderson could hit massive bombs off stud pitchers who were playing clean like me). Or do whatever it was that Stacey used to do. Dharma and Greg ring a bell? Jesus.

Second, your team is awful. I just watched the Giants play for three games in Seattle and my god, they are actually worse than the Mariners. The Giants website actually says, "Vote Bengie, Vote Giants". Bengie Molina is the best offensive player and bats clean up. That is atrocious. Tim Lincecum is obviously a stud, but his arm is going to fall of in the next 7-9 months. The Giants still owe Barry Zito $158 trillion and they feature such studs as Bob Howry, Rich Aurilia, and Juan Uribe (who is listed at 230 pounds, but must be pushing 350) to name a few. That makes the Giants irrelevant to those who live in the Bay Area. You live in Denver and you are a journalist, meaning no MLB extra innings package and no reason to watch the Giants. So some of your abandonment is natural.

In terms of your question about the NBA.....the NBA can eat poop.

I am watching the NBA playoffs and probably will for the rest of my life, but I watched almost no regular season action. I used to watch almost every Sonic game if it didn't conflict with my own coaching. Even with the horrid product put on the floor the past few seasons, I watched. And I was excited for the Kevin Durant era. When the Sonics left (despite my father and I, along with Spencer Hawes, joining thousands at a public rally outside the courthouse), I lost interest. I tried to root for the Blazers as both Brandon Roy and Martell Webster are there, but it didn't work. It wasn't natural and I didn't care.

But the weirdest part is how it doesn't really effect me that much. I like college basketball better and I really don't have any sadness or anger about the NBA being gone. Maybe it is because the Sonics were so bad for the last few years. Maybe it is because there is so much isolation and lack of energy in the game itself. Maybe it is because the Thunder are still irrelevant. I don't know, but it surprises me.

Not sure if any of that leads you in any direction, but thinking of not being able to go to NBA games anymore, I came up with this: What is your favorite sports moment you witnessed in person?

Thank You Bill Bavasi

Since the Seattle Mariners cannot score more than one run in any given game, I did not feel like they are worth mentioning. Yet I do have hope thanks to Jack Zduriencik. Although my hope may be false since I am comparing him to Mr. Bill Bavasi.

I spent much of the Bavasi years in strong denial. I tried to believe in what he was doing, even convincing myself in the 2004 season that the Mariners would be better than the Red Sox. I did a whole statistical analysis and everything. Of course the Mariners went on to lose 99 games and the Red Sox won the World Series. This was followed by Justin laughing in my face repeatedly.

When looking back at the Bavasi years all I see is poop. Honestly, these could have been the worst four years in the history of general managers. I can’t believe how bad he was at his job. If I was that bad at teaching I would be living in a box right now on Cherry and 10th.

A blog commented in 2007 on the best and worst moves (this was pre-Bedard trade) in Bavasi’s era. These were the best trades:

Randy Winn for Jesse Foppert and Yorvit Torrealba
Dave Hansen for Jon Huber
Marcos Carvajal for Jose De La Cruz
Aaron Taylor for Sean Green
Shin Soo Choo and Shawn Nottingham for Ben Broussard
Chris Snelling and Emiliana Fruto for Jose Vidro

The best trades turn out to be in many ways the worst ones. The author assumed Vidro and Broussard would help the Mariners. Um, no. Take the Broussard deal. Choo is hitting .305 with five homers and 26 RBI this season. Of course no Mariner has as many RBIs as Choo does this season. He is a career .293 hitter. Great deal.

Jesse Foppert? Yorvit Torrealba? Not in the system.

The presence of Jose Vidro on my television for a year made me have suicidal thoughts.

Sean Green is the only player Bavasi acquired who did anything with his life.

Those are the good trades. THE GOOD TRADES.

Lucky for me, the Tacoma News Tribune’s Darrin Beane listed all the Bavasi transactions on his blog. You can see it here.

http://blogs.thenewstribune.com/mariners/2008/06/16/the_bavasi_years

The very first transaction Bavasi made was signing Raul Ibanez to a three year deal. Why didn’t he stop then? Just don’t make any other transactions and the Mariners probably would have won more games over those four years. Isn’t that amazing? Being a wall or a doorstop would have been more effective than being a human being in the case of Bill Bavasi.

In December of 2003, he signed Scott Spiezio to a three year deal. In January of 2004, he signed Rich Aurilia to a one year deal. Aurilia was gone in July. Spiezio somehow made it to 2005. Spiezio hit .215 in 2004 and .064 in 2005. Awesome.

Bavasi traded Freddy Garcia and Ben Davis for Miguel Olivo, Jeremy Reed, and Mike Morse in June of 2004. Garcia went 40-23 in two and a half seasons for the White Sox while Reed and others peed on themselves.

Hey in December of 2004, Bavasi signed Richie Sexson. (.244 hitter with 497 K’s for $50 million).

He also signed Pokey Reese (never played a game), Carl Everett, Matt Lawton, Fernando Vina, Kevin Appier, and Brad Wilkerson who all did absolutely nothing for the Mariners.

Hey in December of 2005, Bavasi singed Jarrod Washburn. (26-46 with 4.49 ERA for $37 million).

Even small deals like trading Matt Thornton for Joe Borchard or Yorman Bazardo for Jeff Frazier blew up in Bavasi’s face. Thornton posted a 2.67 ERA in relief last year for the White Sox and sits at 2.12 this year. Oh and he is left handed. The Mariners have no lefty relief right now. Bazardo is in AAA but has a 4-2 record with a 3.64 ERA while Jeff Frazier was later traded back to the Tigers. Incredible.

Or how about acquiring Eduardo Perez for Asdrubal Cabrera? He is hitting .320 with 25 RBI. Again those would be tops on the Mariners, but thankfully we have Jose Lopez who loves being mediocre. Oh and Eduardo Perez is horrible. At broadcasting. Super.

Cody Ransom? Staring third baseman for the Yankees before A-Rod stopped being a baby. Given up for cash by the M’s in 2006.

Horacio Ramirez? Acquired for Rafael Soriano on December 7, 2006. Released in March of 2008. One year – 7.16 ERA.

Hey in December of 2007, Bavasi signed Carlos Silva to a four year deal. (5-18 with a 6.77 ERA thus far in his second year, $24 million owed the next two years).

And of course the Erik Bedard trade. While Bedard has been good this year posting a 2-2 record with a 2.64 ERA, he only threw 81 innings last season. Meanwhile here are the players the Orioles acquired:

Adam Jones - .362, 9 home runs, 30 RBI this season. A stud.

George Sherrill – 31 saves last season, 9 saves this year with 2.89 ERA

Chris Tillman – 5-0, 2.13 ERA, 44 K’s in eight starts. (#2 prospect in the system).

Kam Mickolio – 1-2, 5.65 ERA as a reliever in AAA

Tony Butler – 3-4, 4.42 ERA in A as a starter

Wow, that was depressing. Hey look, the Mariners are on TV soon. Oh. Dear. God. I just realized I didn’t even include the signing of Jeff Weaver.